Beth has changed. Her actions have become more frivolously and her social behaviors are lax. At first, I thought Beth had loosened up; she was not so cautious around others and was willing to hang out with other people. But what I quickly realized was that Beth was putting up barriers. Her words masked her loneliness, focusing solely on chess and avoiding any means of hanging out with others outside of chess. I could not help but see a piece of myself. I understand the pain of wanting to desperately be alone. It is easy to succumb to what brings you joy at the expense of your relationships. But this only perpetuates feelings of loneliness. The person you lost does not need to be replaced by another person’s presence; however, leaning on others and finding healthy ways to be happy and content are important. Both of Beth’s chess opponents (and friends?) Harry and Benny warn her of the self-destructive tendencies she holds. Beth is someone who thrives off her emotions. If she continues letting her negative feelings consume her, she will learn to take care of herself in the worst ways possible. Alice, Beth’s biological mother, was right: Beth did end up alone. She does not have a support system, yet I am hopeful that Beth’s move to New York will do her some good. Whether there is more bad before we see the good is what I fear the most.

Beth is someone driven by her emotions; when life messes with her, she shows it. Anger, frustration, sadness, joy, and confidence radiate from her being. Throughout the episode, Beth is discovering what it is like to be a 17 year old. She begins to relax and experience life after Alma points out she is an intuitive player – she cannot learn anymore than she knows spending more hours studying chess. I found this interesting; as we see throughout her matches, Beth’s playing style is rooted in her emotions. What Alma calls “intuition” is more likely Beth’s desire to be in control and have the advantage over her opponent. This may come from the stressful uncertainty which plagued her childhood. Beth was at the whims of the people around her and grew up with little agency. So, when she found chess, she found an outlet for exerting her own influence and doing what she wanted to do. Beth clearly wants to win on her terms. In her match with a young Russian chess prodigy, her journey from calm to frustration to confidence are evident in how she carries her: sitting up straight, hunched down with her hands in her hair, and standing with a domineering presence. But, in light of Alma’s death, Beth is being thrust into adult responsibilities she is unprepared for. With almost no support system to lift her back up, Beth chooses to do what she knows when she cannot regain control: drink and take drugs. Without mental clarity, I think Beth will succumb to the stresses of the real world – it will definitely not play out like chess on a chess board. She cannot study up on what to do; she can only deal with issues as they come. Yet, that means dealing with uncertainty and returning to a life that has caused her a lot of pain. I only hope that this next episode Beth does not spiral out of control.

Beth was an unbeatable chess player until the end of episode 3. When Beth realized that she was not invincible anymore, her confidence was broken. There was a noticeable shift away from recognizing chess as a beautiful, safe space into a war zone. From an outsider’s perspective, this was inevitable. No one is truly the best at anything; there is always someone better than you. Beth recognized this, but she was mentally unprepared to find strong opponent around her. She was already looking abroad, assuming she was one of the best. And she is! But to be the best means being ready to lose, and Beth was not. For that reason, I wonder how Beth will cope with loss. While I hope she will deal with it in a healthy manner, but based on her drug addiction and newfound enjoyment of alcohol, I do not think she will handle this well. Her calm, collected mental state can only go down from here.

I am the kind of person who asks lots of questions about a show. After watching the second episode, I cannot wrap my head around Beth’s adoptive parents and their lives. Alma seems to be a caring individual who will watch over Beth, but like Allston, she interacts with here at a distance. I had attributed this to her personality; but, after seeing how she interacts with her husband and her demeanor mentioning her deceased child, I wonder if she has dealt with abuse and neglect similar to Beth. She was unwilling to get attached because of those around her. There’s also the case of her always getting sick, but I do not think that is plot-relevant. Allston was apparently the person who wanted a child, yet he does not talk to Beth nor does he seem interested in mere existence. He has a job (currently unknown) that allows them a suburban lifestyle, but it is shown to irritate him. I wonder if Alma knows what he is doing on his business trips; after seeing her reaction to his detainment, I suspect she knows. The dynamic between these two does not seem to phase Beth. This may have to do with the broken relationship of her own parents. She is used to dysfunctional relationships and the emotional toll it has. Yet, I think Beth wants to have people to take care of her. She saw something in Mr. Shaibel and the memory of her mother continues to haunt her. Moving forward, I wonder how her conception of parents will reveal itself as she dives deeper into the chess world. Even more so, I wonder how the Wheatleys will respond to her imminent fame.