It’s hard to talk about sexual assault. Kate Harding made it a little bit easier.

Kate was refreshing and interesting, she brought her own experiences together to shed some light on sexual assault on college campuses. One interesting thing she said was a study, where plenty of universities were asked “is sexual assault prevalent across college campuses” to which most college administrators said yes. Then, when the administrators were asked if they thought sexual assault was prevalent across their own college, most said no.

Also, we talked about a “red zone” where there’s the acclimating time for new college freshmen. Generally, the most rapes and sexual assaults happen within that O-week period, so it was interesting to learn how some universities are trying to combat the problem.

Last week was incredibly tiring, from the amount of class work looming over my head to endless fun times at my reach. However, the conversation I had with Kate Harding, set the pace for the week. Regardless the all the things that I had to do, this week was one of consciousness.

The one thing I enjoy most about the dinner conversations in Rose is that they are always composed of people with varying backgrounds and knowledge on topics. I was sitting in a room with men who felt isolated from gender conversation, women of color who wanted to know more and with individuals who didn’t know what rape culture meant.  And me, I was motivated by a recent statistics that heralded startling news that: black women  on campus (approx. 4%) account for the majority of sexual assaults reported.

We began our talk with the basics: rape culture. In the simplest of terms, Kate described it as, ” a culture that protects the needs of the rapist more than the victims.” Protecting the rapist takes on many forms, which range for large acts to more nuanced. Rape culture also encompasses a general climate of racism, sexism and heteronormativity. Rape culture also is ignoring male rape victims.

The denial of rape culture is real. When college administrators across the country were asked if they believed sexual assault was an issue on college campuses, they were quick to say yes. However, when the question asked if sexual assault was an issue on their own campus, the majority said now. This inability to see rape culture for what it is comes down to us not wanting to believe that the men that we know, love and trust could become mixed up in “toxic entitlement” and the objectification of women’s bodies.

Its time to get realistic about the situation. We continue to perpetuate a culture that  sends the message that rapists can get away with this behavior. We need to stop asking questions which shift the blame on to the victim. Its time to start having conversations around  sex positivity younger. College is too late to learn and fix this behavior.  Its time for the Cornell Daily Sun to paint rapist as campus leaders with big futures. Its time we stop telling our victims that the should be ashamed and that they deserve no administrative support.

Its time we get realistic.

Rape culture has become an increasingly relevant topic on college campuses, and Cornell has been doing a great job on working to educate students on issues including sexual assault and harassment. Part of Cornell’s efforts to make the campus a safe place for students is Sexual Assault Awareness Week, which this year included a talk by Kate Harding. Kate is the author of Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do About It and is extremely knowledgeable on the topic of rape culture on college campuses. Before Kate’s talk at Cornell, she joined us for dinner at Rose. Although sexual assault is a sensitive topic, we were able to have an informative discussion on what is happening around us. Something I found interesting that we discussed was “sexual contracts” and apps that ensure both parties are consenting before engaging in sexual activity. At first, I thought this seemed like a good idea. To me, it seemed like this would prevent men from being falsely accused, and would also help make sure that both parties are consenting, as sometimes this can be unclear. However, Kate informed us that while these contracts and apps have benefits, consent is something that has to be ongoing. While consenting at the beginning of the act is important, an individual can change their mind at any time, something that a contract could not cover. However, it is a significant step in trying to prevent rape and to help rape victims.

Last Sunday, I participated in a dinner conversation with Kate Harding where she talked with us about the contexts of rape culture surrounding college campuses. I was surprised to learn that the male Scholars who were also there knew little to nothing about the term “rape culture”  – a culture in which sexual violence is considered to be the norm, and where people are often taught how to prevent and avoid rape rather than teaching others not to rape. Harding also defined her views of sexual assault as an umbrella term for many sexual offenses against a person, whether that be rape, catcalling, groping, etc. Though the legal definition of sexual assault is specified as everything up to but not including rape, this made the term “sexual assault” easier to understand in my mind.

Being able to listen to Harding speak about sexual assault on college campuses was interesting, as she addressed many concerns such as the effects of alcohol on a person’s ability to consent and the importance of consent between two enthusiastic individuals about to participate in sex. Our group tried to come up with key words to use while we were with another person to address consent, such as “Do you like it when I do that?” and “Is it okay if we do this?”

One concern that another girl in the discussion group brought up was how to talk about rape culture with her younger siblings. She recalled telling them small things about rape culture, such as being aware of catcalling and how someone’s random comments on the street should not be seen as a compliment, but rather, as harassment.  Another good point she brought up was telling her young siblings that if they don’t want an adult hugging or touching them without their permission, they should be able to adhere to it and respect their personal space.

Hearing this girl’s concerns for her younger siblings reminded me much of my younger sister, who is about to start college this fall. After the talk, I made sure to talk to my sister about some of the things I learned during this talk; I want her to make sure that she is not only looking forward to college, but is also safe.

Overall, I enjoyed Harding’s talk, but I feel it would have benefitted from a much smaller discussion group, as some voices dominated the conversation more than others. But I appreciate Harding taking the time to speak with us in a more intimate setting.

Last Sunday, Kate Harding joined us for a dinner discussion over a topic many people dare to speak about—rape and sexual assault. She talked about rape culture, which is basically a society that supports and protects the rapist more than the victim. Hearing this definition I’m sure a lot of people think that surely American culture does not support rapists—aren’t rapists prosecuted and usually sent to jail? But rape culture takes on a subtle form. It is asking if the person was drunk when they were raped. It’s asking, “Are you sure?” It’s saying that you don’t believe the person because the rapist would never doing something like that. When hearing that someone has been raped, do you approach them and ask them if they need help or support?

A lot of what Kate Harding spoke about was very eye-opening and I was so glad to attend this event. I learned that there are naps nowadays that have contracts for women/men to sign before having sex. While this may seem like a good idea, it implies that consent can’t be taken back. Actually as soon as a person says to stop, the other person must stop.

As discussed during the dinner conversation, I think that children should be taught about consent and sex early on. Television shows and media provide a false perception of what sex is like. Teaching children early on would help to combat rape culture and hopefully lead more people to start supporting the victim, not the rapist.

On Sunday I attended a dinner with Kate Harding, who was visiting Cornell to raise awareness about rape culture. Going into the dinner, I wasn’t sure exactly what the term meant. As she explained it, rape culture describes a society that protects those accused of rape more than the victims. People are more likely to ask questions like “Are you sure you were really raped?” than “How can I help you through this catastrophe?” Kate made it clear that rape is a very real, very present thing that no one likes to talk about. It hits closer to home than people want to confess: rape is a reality here at Cornell, and it’s perpetrators aren’t scary guys jumping out of the bushes – they are people we go to class with, even people who seem “nice”. Recognizing the reality of rape is important to combat the crime and support victims.

In terms of prevention, it’s important to set the stage: we live in a very open culture, which tells us that we can do whatever we please, and that we are our own authority. We are constantly bombarded by music, TV, movies, etc. that feed off of lust and the objectification of people’s (especially women’s) bodies, shaping perspectives which rob others of their intrinsic human dignity. People (especially women again) have it drilled into them that they should find their value in sex appeal, further supporting this objectification. The idea that you’re not a man unless you have had sex permeates college culture to a significant degree, and is evident in the party scene. Alcohol -which does wonders to seriously inhibit people’s decision making capacities AND decreases their sexual inhibitions – flows freely at parties. Basically, it seems that hookup/party culture, although very distinct and different than rape culture, naturally enables sexual assault. If we are serious about preventing rape, I think it’s important to combat it at every level. It’s important to educate people on the gravity and presence of rape, but I doubt that that alone will curb it. Paradigms need to be altered. Would we be willing to examine our lifestyles and mindsets in order to support victims of rape and protect people from being assaulted? What are you willing to do to help uproot rape?

Growing up I remember being given guidelines to make sure that if I had ever been touched inappropriately that my mother was aware. Never had we discussed phrases like ‘rape’ or ‘sexual assault’ or ‘sexual harassment’. We only discussed ways to not encounter these things.

As a college junior, I realize how much I didn’t know then and that I still do not know now. So badly I want to be able to engage in conversations that spread awareness about sexual assault and rape culture, but yet again, society has politicized an important issue, making it difficult to engage in open and honest conversation.

Hearing Kate speak yesterday evening was another step forward in being open. I understand that this level of engagement on campus, let alone the world, will not happen overnight, but that having safe spaces like the one created by the Rose Scholars Program, is a step in the right direction. No man or woman, boy or girl, should have any question or concern, connected to rape culture and/or sexual assault, unanswered.

With that in mind, family and friends, we need to talk…

I had originally been very interested in the event because “rape culture” is such a hot topic, and I felt that I would be able to learn much more than I could add to the conversation. Someone said, “Just because you’re a woman and you’re always told these issues, doesn’t mean you know everything there is to know.” I found this especially interesting because I’m not particularly very active in terms of supporting gender equality, although I do fully support it, and it struck me that someone who can be considered an “activist” could possibly have something more to learn about the topic. In reality, of course that would make sense, but I’m so used to people who are stubborn and unwilling to accept any thoughts other than their own that it took me by surprise.

I felt that the majority of the conversation was dominated by a few people, which isn’t always bad, but in this case, I wish that I could’ve had more questions answered. My questions were more geared towards those blurred lines of “consensual sex” and “sexual assault.” In society, we think of rape as coercive, but like Kate Harding mentioned, it’s not usually “someone jumping out of the bush and raping you.” It’s most of the times someone you know! However, the tricky part is when the two parties are consensual in the beginning, and somewhere along the way, one party decides he/she doesn’t want to continue, but doesn’t say anything and continues anyway. Ms. Harding’s take on this is that each party should be aware of the other party’s ongoing enthusiasm throughout the entire sexual activity. If the ongoing enthusiasm isn’t there, then the sex should stop. Of course, this situation sometimes can even happen to the most careful of people, but I think it’s more important to be aware of it now so that it can be prevented than to repent for doing it.

I found it interesting that the males in the room brought up the point that men are pushed by society that they should have sex at an early age, and if they’re in college and they haven’t had sex yet, they aren’t men. Though this is no excuse for sexual assault and rape culture, it’s important to realize that those who genuinely would never want to do such a thing won’t always realize it, and the most important thing now is to educate everyone so that we have less of these “excuses”.

Warning: The following involves sexual assault and rape culture.

We, the Cornell community, have a problem with sexual assault. It happens here. It happens to people we know, people we love, people we respect. It is done by people we know, people we love, people we respect. Admitting it is the first step to fighting it.

Kate Harding, author of Asking For It, knows about our problem with sexual assault. She knows about it because it is the same problem that plagues college campuses everywhere. During our discussion with Kate Harding, I heard a lot of really interesting things. My peers provided some of the most interesting points of discussion.

Heading into the room, we were all at different points. Some of us knew all too well about what rape culture can look like and how it can harm us. Others did not know exactly what rape culture meant. Regardless of where we entered the room, we were all ready to talk.

Some people shared their experiences with rape culture. I found it interesting that rape culture could touch so many parts of our lives. It impacts our sex lives, the music we listen to, and even our experience in the class room. Some people are never even aware of it.

One particular thing that struck me about the discussion was the discourse around the word “rape.” At one point, Harding said that using the word rape evoked a strong reaction. She pointed out that the word was being phased out of our laws and vocabulary. Instead, people tend towards the more palatable phrase “sexual assault.”

It took me a while to sort through my feelings about this discussion. I think sexual assault is a very useful term. I also think that everyone has a right to use what ever words they feel comfortable with to talk about their experiences.

But to me, the word rape is absolutely necessary. I think the strong reaction it evokes is absolutely called for. I think you should recoil when you hear it. I think discussing it should make you uncomfortable.

I just wish we were as upset by the action as we are by the word.

Kate Harding, a prominent writer on the topic of sexual assault, has come to Cornell for sexual assault awareness week. During our Rose dinner conversation we discussed rape culture and the factors that contribute to rape culture.

Given that Ms. Harding has visited college campuses across the country, one student asked whether she finds that certain type of campuses “breed” rape culture more than others. Ms. Harding responded that she finds the same amount and culture across all the campuses she has visited. I wonder if this is supported by data.

I was also curious but did not get the opportunity to ask whether Ms. Harding observes major differences in the way that college administrations address the issue. Until recently, everything was kept quiet as acknowledging the problem would damage the schools’ reputation. However, now that the matter is so prominent in popular media, and that many more cases are being brought to light, colleges have been forced to at least acknowledge the problem. Most prominent colleges have taken the step of requiring freshman to participate in consent training. However, it is still not in their interest to make a big deal of the issue or to publicly admit to the magnitude of the problem with statistics for their own campuses because reputation and application statistics play such a key role in higher education. To fully address sexual assault, colleges would have to be transparent about the ways they have mishandled cases to protect themselves and they would have to crack down on student offenders who they have protected (including varsity athletes). As a result, while schools are taking small steps toward addressing sexual assault, they are far from introducing absolute transparency.

While university administration action is important in responding to assault that has already occurred, I do not think it can prevent assault or change the culture that enables assault to happen so frequently. For example, as we discussed with Ms. Harding, American culture surrounds young people with the idea that men should always be macho and dominant. To lessen the amount of sexual assault requires changing an entire culture, and that requires educating and influencing children much younger than college-age students.