Does your child ever have intense tantrums in response to being told “No?” Do they have meltdowns when moving from playtime to bedtime? Do they show intense frustration when they lose a game? Do they try to hit, kick, or throw objects when things don’t go their way? If you’re a parent, you most likely answered yes to one or all of these questions. Most children will react this way to negative feelings (anger, sadness, disappointment) because they haven’t learned how to express their emotions in a healthy way. Children learn everything through the things they hear, see, and experience. As we teach our child how to eat and do chores, we must also teach them how to regulate their emotions. To help our children do so, we must first understand emotions.
What are emotions?
Emotions are reactions to events or situations. These include real or imagined situations (recalling memories or past events). For example, you see a restaurant you used to go to with one of your friends from college. This may evoke a feeling of sadness if you haven’t seen that friend in a long time.
It’s important to remember that no emotion is good or bad. Negative or positive emotions are necessary as they influence how we think, behave, and interact with others. When you get a gut feeling about a situation, your emotions tell you something about your environment. By teaching our children to identify these emotions, we can teach them to manage their feelings and foster emotional regulation.
What is emotional regulation and why does it matter?
Emotional regulation is the process that allows you to manage your emotions. Healthy regulation shapes how we experience and express our emotions. Imagine you’ve had a bad day at work. If you come home and snap at your family, that’s an example of letting your emotions control your actions. But if you choose to go for a walk, listen to music, or engage in an activity that helps you unwind, you’re actively regulating your emotions in a healthy way.
Emotional regulation is an important part of overall mental and physical well-being. It’s normal to feel like you can’t manage your emotions from time to time. However, letting your emotions continuously overwhelm you can lead to unhealthy coping strategies. Research has found that emotional regulation significantly improves your psychological well-being, quality of life, and relationships. Teaching our children emotional regulation is crucial to support their mental health and future well-being.
How do we teach our children emotional regulation?
- Parental self-regulation: Refers to the ability to stay calm and effectively parent in situations that might be triggering for you. Research has found parents with better self-regulation skills showed more positive parenting skills and had children with better regulation themselves and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression. Here are a few ways to practice this:
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- Take a break: Take a time-out from the situation however you can. Take a few minutes to take slow, deep breaths as it helps calm you down.
- Recognize your triggers: As parents, we all face situations that push our buttons more than they should—these are known as triggers. A very common one is our children not listening to us as this can feel disrespectful and frustrating. However, recognizing what sets you off can help you respond to these situations more patiently.
- Use positive self-talk to increase your self-confidence: Tell yourself that you are an amazing parent and can handle any situation. Research finds that simply believing you are a good parent improves your parenting skills.
- Define and identify their emotions: Teach your kids to name their emotions when they’re feeling them. You can use phrases like “It’s okay to feel mad” or “I noticed you’re feeling frustrated—do you want to talk about it?” When kids verbalize their emotions, it helps them acknowledge, validate, and process their feelings.
- Teach them to self-regulate: Self-regulation is one of those vital life skills that help kids manage their emotions, learn more effectively, and build strong relationships. Some self-regulation strategies we can teach our kids include breathing techniques, mindfulness, movement, and spending time in nature.
Remember, this may feel uncomfortable and hard at first, but like training a muscle, the more you do it, the stronger the muscle will get. You’ve got this!
All Blogs are written by Professionals in the fields of Nutrition, Human Development and Diabetes.