The National Center for Health Statistics defines a “Blended Family” as a family that consists of one or more children living with a biological or adoptive parent and an unrelated stepparent who are married to one another. As a result of the change(s) in their family structure (i.e. the new marriage), these families face many unique challenges, including increased risk for conflicts, stress, and difficulty caring for the day-to-day needs of their children.
Despite the instability experienced during the formation of a blended family, many of these families show incredible amounts of strength. In Factors that Contribute to Stepfamily Success, M.L. Michaels identified two major strengths that lead to blended family success: informed commitment and a sense of family. Michaels refers to informed commitment as a proactive approach to achieving a strong marriage and family bond and a sense of family as what happens with the idea that a new family is being created. Successful blended families all agree on the importance of family and consistently work on their commitment to each other. These parents focus on the needs of the children and encourage extended family members to accept the new family. This is important because this dedication to creating and maintaining a new family identity gives the blended family the resilience they will need to face internal and external adversity.
Blending a family can be challenging; especially knowing that all stepfamilies begin with a history of loss. Blended families are created because previous relationships have ended. This type of loss can bring on feelings of sadness, anger, and fear. Many times, members of a blended family may enter into this new situation on edge, guarding themselves against the possibility of experiencing another loss all over again. This is why it can take years for everyone to learn how to function as a new family. Experts in family relations say it’s important to not have unrealistic expectations when blending a family. They recommend learning to carefully communicate with each other, not to rush things, and to try to explore new traditions that blend old and new activities with family rituals.
If you are considering blending your family, here are some tips to forming a healthy blended family:
- Give yourself plenty of time—the process can take from 4 to 7 years of adjustment.
- Work on the couple relationship first. Spend quality “alone” time together and nurture each other through positive communication.
- Every relationship requires work. Part of that work involves dealing with the loss, pain and bitterness from the previous relationship so that it does not undermine your current relationship. Through open communication and sincerity, you will be on your way to strengthening your new family lifestyle.
- Make changes as slowly as possible and keep arrangements as consistent as possible. Remember that consistency helps children feel a sense of stability.
- Take time to listen to each other and encourage each family member to express their feelings—even when their feelings and concerns are difficult for you to hear.
- As you work to establish your new household, make sure your spouse has an understanding of the family’s past discipline, household rules, and responsibilities. And make sure your spouse gives you the same information regarding your stepchild/ren.
For more information, check out these resources:
Couples Considering a Blended Family:
https://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/publication/HE358
Learning to Adjust in a Blended Family with Step Parents:
https://extension.unl.edu/statewide/dodge/Learning%20To%20Adjust%20In%20A%20Blended%20Family.pdf
All Blogs are written by Professionals in the fields of Nutrition, Human Development and Diabetes.