This Rose Cafe was deliberately open-ended, which is probably why I’ve struggled to come up with a subject to write on more than the more topical Rose events. We attendees left the event with a challenge to write about what’s important to us. This began a mental exercise that’s turned into a full-fledged reflection of my life as it is.

I’ve started to question my relationships, which though were supposed to be some of the constants of life. I feel relationships are what draw me to certain places. I wanted to work and learn from the best, and so I came to Cornell in the hope that being an alumnus of the Ivy League will set me apart in my career. But even as I continue this pursuit, I wonder what will be its cost. Like most, I’m too far from home to visit with any regularity, departing from campus only for breaks that last a week or longer. And every time I return to the place I called home, it seems more and more unfamiliar. Everything in my childhood home seems so small and delicate. I’m so used to the doors and faucets of Rose House that I accidentally slammed the doors at home shut with a careless push and broke a faucet knob at home with a careless twist. I feel like an intruder too: my dad and mom and younger brother go out of their ways to make me feel “at home” during my brief visits. What it seems I’m doing is interrupting their way of life. Perhaps the truth is that they’ve grown used to their family of three with my sister and me off at college. Perhaps that’s just the way of life.

I’m sure at this point that I’ll be spending the summer away from home, so there won’t be a period of three months like there was after freshman year to allay my fears. Fortunately, the approaching spring break provides an opportunity to discuss this issue vis-à-vis and abandon this fatalistic outlook on life.

The Rose Cafe this week was a brief talk with Professor Hill about life. He wanted us to think about life, what it means, and the choices we make. Part of life means going through ups and downs, feeling like everything is going for you one minute, and then having everything turn upside down the next. I will preface this post with the fact that my life is on a seemingly ongoing downward trend. Things have not gone well in quite a while. If you notice, all three of my posts have been submitted today, and they’re all from roughly a month ago. I would say things got in the way, and that’s true. Exams, project team, job, and so on and so forth. Shit happens. But a major reason for not having done these promptly is basically because I haven’t really felt up to it. I haven’t been very open to sharing lately and speaking up about my life or my opinions. But sometimes it helps to let it all out there.

Last May, one of my brothers, Aedan, was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a very rare form of cancer. From the beginning it had been a rough ride, and for a while we were optimistic that he would make it through. We had plans for the future. We had talked about traveling the world, taking time to be young and enjoy life. Things got worse and it became apparent that he may not be winning this battle. My entire winter break was spent in and out of the hospital visiting him, helping his family, and gathering friends to visit Aedan so that he never had to feel alone. January 1st was the last day I spoke to Aedan. It was a very active day for Aedan. Aedan followed politics religiously, so we organized a visit with Senator Cory Booker. I joked to the Senator that he is not as cool as when Calvin Prior from the Jets visited, but he was still up there. Cory was such an amazing guy, and I still can’t thank him enough for stopping by. Aedan was able to feel alive again, and the discussion with Senator Booker got him so excited. This visit left him very tired after, so my friend Joe and I decided to let him rest. We had to gather our things from his room quietly before we left, and as we were about to go, Aedan’s brother Liam whispered that we were heading home. Aedan woke up and struggled to raise his hand toward us. We held him one last time, as he told us he loved us and that he is so appreciative for everything we had done for him and his family. That was the last time we saw Aedan, as two days later his parents called to let us know he had passed away.

I have always cherished the friendships I have made over the years. Back home, the people closest to me in life are more than just friends, they are my family. These guys are my brothers. We have been through good times and bad with each other, and yet never in a million years could we have seen this coming. I can remember every night out, every school day, every rugby practice spent with Aedan. I remember every great memory we had together and I will always hold onto those memories. One recent memory was a conversation Aedan and I had while having breakfast at a local diner. We talked about life after cancer. He had planned to take some time before returning to school and travel. He wanted to see the world before getting stuck into the routine that our parents live through. He said how his whole perspective on life has changed from this disease. And mine did too. We’re so caught up in making sure we do anything and everything career oriented in pursuit of a job. We sacrifice our youth to prepare for a career. And while I understand the necessity of following the steps and finding a job, I also now realize that time is limited. Life is so short and I have no intention on missing a single moment. I never want to look back on life with regret that I wasn’t able to do what I want.

Just a few months after going through such a traumatic experience, I received a note from my friend Gianni’s girlfriend that he had been diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The doctors have told him they are confident that with aggressive treatment, he could be in remission by the end of the summer. I have known Gianni since we were in elementary school. We have spent countless times at the park playing soccer, going out to Six Flags, or even times driving me to school. To now see another of my close friends struggle through cancer is so heartbreaking, and I am struggling to find the words to describe how upset I am. Seeing this happen again just furthers my belief that now is the time to live. We never know what struggles life is going to put us through. We never know how unfair or cruel life can be, and we can’t always control it. But we can control some things. We can choose to make life worthwhile. We can choose to be adventurous, to be spontaneous and live our lives with no fear or regret. Things have been hard, and they will continue to get harder in the coming months. While it won’t be easy for us, we are brothers and we will always have each other for support. Brothers Forever is a slogan our high school uses to remember that no matter where we are in our lives, our brothers, even those not with us anymore, will always be with us. It resonates so much now more than ever for me and my friends, as we are going to have to be strong again for another of our brothers, Gianni, as he goes through treatment.

I hope that people can read this and understand that life is meant to be lived. Don’t worry about little things. Don’t get caught up about unimportant/insignificant worries. Focus on the bigger picture and moving forward. Push through the struggles sent your way. Enjoy life.

After listening to Dr. Hill’s Rose Cafe last Wednesday, I reflected on what slogan has motivated me throughout my life.  I came to the conclusion that that slogan is “keep moving forward.”  My parents always taught me that no matter how hard things become, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, and the only way you get to that light is by forging ahead, not turning around.  Last semester was incredibly difficult for me.  I am the head of a very controversial organization on campus, and while I was battling pneumonia and mono, I became a very polarizing figure on campus.  I was assaulted the night after Donald Trump was elected, even though I am a moderate non-Trump supporting Republican, and all I wanted to do was go home and leave for the remainder of the semester.  But I pushed through the difficult moment, and in the end I am glad that I stayed.  It would have been really easy for me to give up and walk away from campus after what had happened, but I am really glad that I pushed through what had happened to me.  I hope to keep moving forward in the future.

Last Wednesday Dr.Hill invited us to the rose apartment to discuss “life”. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this talk. I walked in, put my bag on the ground, grabbed a soft cookie, and opened my ears. Dr.Hill proceeded by describing a close encounter with death he had a few days prior. He sat up in his chair, adjusted his heart monitor, and urged us to reflect on what is important in our lives. After much thought, I have begun to condense my ideas about the meaning if life.

The human desire to fulfill some sort of existential purpose has been present in all of history. Religion, politics, and art have all sought to guide the collective pursuit for meaning. However, by simple observation it seems that the events of the world are quite random, and daily life is quite banal. It is devastating to think that we were not created for some purpose. But why be upset about the inevitable uncertainty of our existence when there is so much to enjoy in life? I believe that once we accept the randomness and uncertainty of everyday life, the only option left is to enjoy that which lies right in front of us.

Friends, family and doing what we enjoy are far more important than fulfilling some sort of arbitrary meaning. When I think about what makes my life worth living, I think of my friends, my family, and the experiences I’ve had with them. Most of these experiences are normal: watching TV, eating too much, talking about our days. That said, these experiences I would not trade for anything. I would rather sit on my living room floor in a world of uncertainty and share Chinese takeout with my best friend than discover an all-encompassing meaning of life and pursue it alone.

At his powerful and heartfelt Rose Cafe last Wednesday, Dr. Hill implored us, the attendees, to determine what we value. I’ve been thinking about this for the past week, not because it has been difficult to ascertain what matters to me, but because I am afraid my answer is too cliche. Despite being obvious, my answer is completely genuine, as I can’t think of anything in my life that holds more value to me than my family. Nothing would be possible without the support and love I receive from these people every day.

When you go to college, you recognize more and more the significance of your family within your life. I think many of us take family for granted until we are plopped into a sea of people we don’t know at a big new place we only took an hour-long tour of months ago. Far away from our families, we lose the security of our homes. We realize that — wow — our parents did a lot. They did the laundry. They cooked us food. They kept the house clean, organized, and neat. They took out the trash. They made our beds. They reminded us of due dates and our responsibilities. And although we eventually make friends, become familiar with the campus, and learn to perform these duties on our own, the first person we call when we are elated over good news, in tears, stressed out beyond belief, or making an important, difficult decision, is a family member (in my case, my mom). No one knows us, loves us, and is there for us like our families. Therefore, we must strive to always show appreciation for them, and never take them for granted.

Introspection is an important action that should be performed regularly to provide context to your life, allowing you to understand why you are doing certain things and refresh yourself on your goals, and prioritize what is being done. Prof. Hill framed certain events or milestones in his life as moments where he contemplated what he had done so far and such. Such moments can be done randomly on a Sunday morning while drinking coffee, after a life-altering event, good or bad, or a certain object or experience that triggers such rumination. I have the (mis)fortune of not having any life-altering events yet so I can’t necessarily speak on that front, but there are certain things or settings that cause me to slow down and just think. One of these things is sitting down at a table while I may be doing homework or studying at the library. This moment is enhanced so to speak if I am next to a window as well. It is easy to lose one’s sense of time and awareness when doing some task with utter focus, but if I break that focus, e.g., yawning, needing to stretch, then I often find myself staring out the window for a period of time (hopefully short). This is when I usually reflect what have I done so far this week. If I am not particularly busy, that frame of reference can be extended to a larger period of time. I often think to myself, what is the point of doing this? Am I doing something or not doing something that I may regret in the future due to the loss of opportunity? Or perhaps something completely irrelevant to what I am doing at hand or inane. For example, recently I have been thinking about how I don’t have enough pictures from my time at Cornell. In the future, will my memory of Cornell and what had transpired during then be enough or would I need photos of my favorite spots to relax at or buildings where I spend most of time for lectures and discussions for visual triggers and stimuli? For me, thinking about what I am doing helps me motivate myself or think of ways to improve what I am doing. This period of introspection matters to me and if I have to interrupt working on a major assignment due in 14 hours for this moment of introspection,  I will want to do it. The present moves by too fast to not slow down and not do anything for a short period of time. This seems simple and obvious, but you would be surprised how I have to take steps to ensure it happens.

This leads to my second thing being that writing matters to me. Now this doesn’t mean that I write stories or novels but simply the act of writing, or more accurately, journaling. It could be anything, from a personal TV/movie review, food review or a random idea that I thought of when walking to class. I like to log my experiences because things are ephemeral. The emotions that you feel, the ideas that you come up with, the realizations you come to all don’t last long and certainly don’t stay in your memory for very long. I may have a habit of rewatching movies but watching something for the first time is distinct and may be more valuable than what I might think in subsequent watches; capturing that with pen/paper, or typically digitally, allows me to archive that forever. Journaling allows me to store everything in my brain in a format that I can look back on and reflect upon without losing any fidelity. I encourage others to find a set time everyday during some activity you think you do regularly and just spend a few minutes reflecting. I also encourage others to try and keep a journal. You don’t need to write much or think much, just write something down. I feel that it might make you feel liberated and manifesting your thoughts into actual words can give a different angle to analyze and consider things.

Dr. Hill is one of the most inspiring people I have met. His motivation is truly astounding. Recent events have led him to reflect on what really matters in life, and he asked each of us to do the same. In my day-to-day life, it is rare that I take a step back and reflect on what is actually meaningful, but whenever I do, it puts everything else in perspective.

What truly matters to me is the health and happiness of the people I am close to. These friends and family are the people who keep me going – without these connections I would feel empty.

During the week before I returned to Cornell for the spring semester, my mother unexpectedly had to be taken to the hospital and flown to a larger hospital for an emergency procedure. She is still recovering and each day I am thankful for the team of doctors and nurses who saved her life. It was one of the most frightening experiences I have had, and it has changed my view on life. I still think about my career goals, I hope to become a surgeon one day, but I also feel that it is important to have a balance and set aside time to be with the people who matter most to me.

When Dr. Hill asked us to blog about something that “matters to you”, my first reaction was to find another event because it would be too difficult a blog to write- I wouldn’t know where to even start or how to answer. Although I do not think I will ever be able to produce an answer satisfactory to myself, the following are two aspects which have been especially relevant to my current journey.

One is the importance of appreciating those things that make life great, but easy to take for granted. Academics, clubs, research, etc- of course they all matter very much to me. And with a full schedule, sometimes it can feel like I am constantly working towards my next goal, and it becomes easy to lose touch with those things that are best. Because in the end what is most important to me are the relationships that stay with you for life: through joy and struggle, my family and friends are there for me and I am here for them. If I didn’t have anything, I would have the relationships I have built and the people I love.

Another aspect is the importance of mindset. I read a piece by David Foster Wallace called “This is Water” a while ago, and the lessons echoed in the piece are relevant to many aspects of college life and beyond. The main message is quite simple but the implications are profound: we ultimately shape the world we live in through the way we think; by being more aware of how we view the world, we can gain more from life. Our “default setting” is our own brain-dead megaphone, yet “better” thinkers are those who have one fundamental characteristic: empathy. This piece has been a great lesson to keep in mind, it inspires me to always be optimistic and open-minded. Because we create the ocean we swim in, it is enhanceable with new modes of thinking and openness to variety of perspectives. Another take: as one can choose to to be bitter or defeated come inevitable setback and disappointment, alternatively, one can consciously choose a growth mindset and take setbacks as an opportunity  for improvement in the future.

At the Rose Cafe, Dr. Hill described aspects of life that deeply matter to him and what drives him in life. I found the talk to be pretty thought-provoking and relevant to us as college students. As we go through the day-to-day grind of being a college student, it can be easy at times to lose sight of why we do the things we do and reflect on what we truly value in life. Indeed, being a major in a certain subject or being part of a certain academic club shouldn’t define someone as a person, since it is one’s internal core, which is comprised of such things as values and beliefs, that truly approach the essence of the individual.

Each person possesses different values and perspectives when it comes to the “bigger picture” of life, and for me personally, what matters a great deal is to make an impact. And I deliberately have stated this in a general sense because I think there are many ways to have a tremendous impact, whether that’s being able to start a company with millions of consumers, or being a teacher/professor and making a daily difference on the futures of students, or perhaps being a great and loving parent. As someone who is still young, I’m not quite sure which areas of life I will be able to positively affect and impact the most, but I can’t wait to discover them!

Equality is a part of life that I have come to value. Earlier in my life I experienced what it is like to be treated unequally because of who I am. These experiences made me value equality more. In high school (until senior year) I was unable to take AP courses because I have a disability and the school’s policy was to not provide accommodations to AP students. I was also obliged to leave classes to scan materials so that I could read them. By the time that I would return to class I might have missed the discussion about the document and the class moved onto talking about the next topic. These experiences taught me what it feels like to be treated unequally.

Luckily, I have also been able to experience being treated equally and the opportunities that come with equality. Now at Cornell, I feel that I am treated the same as my friends and classmates who do not have disabilities. Whereas in high school, my experiences and opportunities were constrained by a discriminatory system I now feel that who I am does not constrain me.

Dr. Hill shared some of the hardships and lessons of life he has experienced, leaving us to reflect on our own lives and to draw connections and an understanding of why we are where we are currently. As a student studying art and who wants to pursue some form of fine arts professionally, I think this is a fundamental question that is inherent in the art practice—why do artists do what they do? I say inherent because art making challenges you to constantly create, but it is not so much out of the need for expression as it is for the form of communication. Art as expression vs. communication are different types of work that function in separate ways. The former is a self-centered, one-sided argument for making art that speaks at you, the viewer, the latter is an empathetic, open-ended, question-driven work that wants to open up a dialogue about itself as a form of mediation between maker and viewer; the former is work one makes for himself, the latter is work one makes for others. I think here is where art really exists in the public space—to create a form of empathy, but in that empathy there is also an innate form of humor that transcends pretentious artist statements/writings on the work (where words oftentimes attempt to substitute for the piece itself) and undermine the somewhat institutional seriousness of art, which Western art history so often perpetuates when it places masterworks on a pedestal, building a hierarchy where images are compared rather than in conversation with one another. Pop Art is brilliant in that way because it subverts that whole culture, poking fun at itself. The object in this case approximates an early comedy film from the 1930s. Take Charlie Chaplin for example. Baudrillard described two types of humor: one is based on inverting social/structural paradigms (Chaplin cross-dressing), and the other is defying the laws of physics (when Chaplin maintains stasis climbing down an upward-running escalator). When the art object becomes aware of what it is doing and how it goes about doing what it does; when it understands that it stands-in for a person as a form of empathy, there is something funny in that as well as something tragic. For art to belong in a space where it both interjects and remains self-contained is to realize that the artist is constantly in the pursuit to understand others out of an inability to fully understand him or herself.

Today I went to a Rose Cafe where Dr. Hill asked us to think about some goals that we might have that aren’t purely professional in nature. One of my goals is to travel to as many places as I can. I’ve been really lucky because my parents love to travel and take me on adventures with them, and I want to continue traveling as I get older. One thing that I love about traveling is that you get to see so many cultures. The US is a relatively new country; we don’t really have a lot of ancient ruins or palaces. It is so interesting to walk down a hall or road and think about all of the people who were standing where you are standing right now, but thousands of years ago. It’s almost like a window into the past, a glimpse of what life might have been like back then. Every country also has something unique  that you can’t find anywhere else, like the local flora and fauna, or authentic food, or ancient hidden cities. I really like traveling, and I hope to continue it in the future!