The Rose Cafe this week was a brief talk with Professor Hill about life. He wanted us to think about life, what it means, and the choices we make. Part of life means going through ups and downs, feeling like everything is going for you one minute, and then having everything turn upside down the next. I will preface this post with the fact that my life is on a seemingly ongoing downward trend. Things have not gone well in quite a while. If you notice, all three of my posts have been submitted today, and they’re all from roughly a month ago. I would say things got in the way, and that’s true. Exams, project team, job, and so on and so forth. Shit happens. But a major reason for not having done these promptly is basically because I haven’t really felt up to it. I haven’t been very open to sharing lately and speaking up about my life or my opinions. But sometimes it helps to let it all out there.

Last May, one of my brothers, Aedan, was diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma, a very rare form of cancer. From the beginning it had been a rough ride, and for a while we were optimistic that he would make it through. We had plans for the future. We had talked about traveling the world, taking time to be young and enjoy life. Things got worse and it became apparent that he may not be winning this battle. My entire winter break was spent in and out of the hospital visiting him, helping his family, and gathering friends to visit Aedan so that he never had to feel alone. January 1st was the last day I spoke to Aedan. It was a very active day for Aedan. Aedan followed politics religiously, so we organized a visit with Senator Cory Booker. I joked to the Senator that he is not as cool as when Calvin Prior from the Jets visited, but he was still up there. Cory was such an amazing guy, and I still can’t thank him enough for stopping by. Aedan was able to feel alive again, and the discussion with Senator Booker got him so excited. This visit left him very tired after, so my friend Joe and I decided to let him rest. We had to gather our things from his room quietly before we left, and as we were about to go, Aedan’s brother Liam whispered that we were heading home. Aedan woke up and struggled to raise his hand toward us. We held him one last time, as he told us he loved us and that he is so appreciative for everything we had done for him and his family. That was the last time we saw Aedan, as two days later his parents called to let us know he had passed away.

I have always cherished the friendships I have made over the years. Back home, the people closest to me in life are more than just friends, they are my family. These guys are my brothers. We have been through good times and bad with each other, and yet never in a million years could we have seen this coming. I can remember every night out, every school day, every rugby practice spent with Aedan. I remember every great memory we had together and I will always hold onto those memories. One recent memory was a conversation Aedan and I had while having breakfast at a local diner. We talked about life after cancer. He had planned to take some time before returning to school and travel. He wanted to see the world before getting stuck into the routine that our parents live through. He said how his whole perspective on life has changed from this disease. And mine did too. We’re so caught up in making sure we do anything and everything career oriented in pursuit of a job. We sacrifice our youth to prepare for a career. And while I understand the necessity of following the steps and finding a job, I also now realize that time is limited. Life is so short and I have no intention on missing a single moment. I never want to look back on life with regret that I wasn’t able to do what I want.

Just a few months after going through such a traumatic experience, I received a note from my friend Gianni’s girlfriend that he had been diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The doctors have told him they are confident that with aggressive treatment, he could be in remission by the end of the summer. I have known Gianni since we were in elementary school. We have spent countless times at the park playing soccer, going out to Six Flags, or even times driving me to school. To now see another of my close friends struggle through cancer is so heartbreaking, and I am struggling to find the words to describe how upset I am. Seeing this happen again just furthers my belief that now is the time to live. We never know what struggles life is going to put us through. We never know how unfair or cruel life can be, and we can’t always control it. But we can control some things. We can choose to make life worthwhile. We can choose to be adventurous, to be spontaneous and live our lives with no fear or regret. Things have been hard, and they will continue to get harder in the coming months. While it won’t be easy for us, we are brothers and we will always have each other for support. Brothers Forever is a slogan our high school uses to remember that no matter where we are in our lives, our brothers, even those not with us anymore, will always be with us. It resonates so much now more than ever for me and my friends, as we are going to have to be strong again for another of our brothers, Gianni, as he goes through treatment.

I hope that people can read this and understand that life is meant to be lived. Don’t worry about little things. Don’t get caught up about unimportant/insignificant worries. Focus on the bigger picture and moving forward. Push through the struggles sent your way. Enjoy life.