Author Archives: Adora

The Power of Touch

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In the midst of a very stressful and academically challenging week, touch brought me comfort. The comfort of a hand on my shoulder to express solidarity. A shake of a hand, to symbolize thanks for a great semester. The deep hug of two bodies to display gratitude for a late night study session. A kiss on the cheek to welcome.

Touch.

This sense has power to heal. This sense has the power to transform. The sense has the ability to connect people to one another. For those of us not numb to Ithaca’s cold winters, we have the opportunity to feel.  While many see touch as only physical , the essence of touch extends far greater. After receiving a compliment or a gift, you’ll hear someone say, ” I’m touched.” This stems from the innate belief we all carry that touching someone is about creating a feeling – a feeling that lingers within. As humans, I believe that community is vital for mental stability and emotional growth. That’s why I strive so hard to ensure that those closest to me will only touch me positivity. Touch from the wrong person, in the wrong way, can destroy your confidence and security.

For most people petting puppies would bring joy; for a student who is allergic to animal fur, like me, this wasn’t ideal. But as I sat watching my classmates interact with these puppies, I started to feel their same emotions. I was excited, warm and eager to play. Within moments, touching these animals changed the atmosphere in the room.

Interestingly, I saw an interesting connection between touch and sight. The goal of this event was to pet puppies. But these dogs weren’t just ordinary puppies, they were puppies training to guide the blind and other that may be lacking full capability of any of their senses. The touch of a dog with a young child with autism can reduce “bolting” a reaction autistic children express when stressed. The touch of a dog softly guiding a blind adult. All these exhibit the power of touch and this one sense can transform the lives of many individuals.

Questions That Need Answers

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Why is there are dispassionate amount of self-defense classes for women? Do men need self-defense classes? Are there self-defense classes for men? Does this world teach men how to defend themselves? Is there a need to teach women’s self defense because our society lacks the tools and resources for women to learn?

Men are provided self-defense tactics since birth. From an early age, men are encouraged to lean in; while women are taught to pull back in situations that call for action. Additionally, confidence is instilled. Even as children, boys already embody stereotypes of the male persona and claim to be “stronger” and “faster” than girls, even when there is little to no difference. Simply, the fact that boys have more interaction with violence (through video games, and products marketed through media as “male toys”), has given men an advantage when it comes to protecting themselves. Overall, childhood gave boys experiences in which they could act; childhood offered girls the opposite. It is no surprise to me that as young women start becoming more independent, they realize their inability to protect themselves and live in perpetual fear.

As a child, I was always advised to protect myself. Suggestions included, not to be alone or not to invite sexual predators but never told how to do that. So did that mean I was expected to not leave my house or not wear clothing of my choice? To me those options always seemed more like a punishment rather than caring advice. Never was I encouraged to play action games or told I was the “strongest” person. I was told to be confident in my looks, confidence in my intelligence. While those are qualities one should be confident in, assurance in those qualities have left my vulnerable in many ways.

So here I am standing in a circle trying to acquire self-defense skills by watching two woman demonstrate moves called “tiger” and “deer.” In a room predominately filled with women and a few men, instructed by older women, I see that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

Like the women in the room, I live in fear. This fear has propelled us to take a class to address this fear. Yet, I wonder if the correct treatment is self-defense classes. It doesn’t address the issue at hand. It may lessen the culture of fear that impacts women in their college years to retired aged women but it does not fix this problem, which touches women across various ages groups. The fear is that rape is called “the most underreported violent crime in America.” The fear is that the percentage of rapists who are never incarcerated is 97 percent. The fear is that assaults by strangers is 14 percent.

Therefore, its reasonable to assume that women know their actors. I wonder how the use of self-defense class can even begin to address this.? Is here even time or space to perform one of these moves when your boyfriend has violated your boundaries? Is it even possible to use the “palm to head” strategy when it’s your brother, father, professor, pastor, or neighbor? Self-defense preaches the idea that those who want to hurt me will only do it a deserted alley late at night in an uninhibited part of town. Self-defense tells a narrative that my attacker will try to physically harm me, when his goal might be psychological or emotional.

Sadly enough, I already know this. I’m sure the teaching instructors know this. But for the time being, I will continue to practice my moves and the instructors will continue holding class. But I hope that we, women and men, can come together to rectify the larger issue – a society where women live in fear of harm.

What’s Love Got to do it?

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After attending the Love discussion, I think I can officially say that I want to be in love but I will not, might possibly, maybe, most definitely do anything necessary to acquire it.

This past summer, I intensely studied love and relationships. I came in to my freshman year of school expecting to meet my future husband walking across the Arts Quad. I was surprised to learn that the closest I would get would be a “causal hook-up.” For me that meant I would be in a relationship void of commitment, effort and appreciation. I left my freshman year confused about my expectations of romantic relationship on this campus. And I didn’t want to return my sophomore without understanding this dilemma.

As someone who turns to black women for answers, I began to look into the works of literary genius, Maya Angelou and the like. All of the extraordinary women I read about recognize the beauty and sanctity of love. It was interesting to see her quote on love come up in the discussion. It read, “Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it empowers us to develop courage; to trust that courage and build bridges with it; to trust those bridges and cross over them so we can attempt to reach each other.” Additionally, bell hooks adds, “When we are loving we openly and honestly express care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust.” Both these women can attest to the fact that love is work.

This discussion experience was made special because I was partnered up with a girl who was in a long distance romantic relationship. She shared with me how loving her boyfriend was serious work, similar to what bell hooks and Maya Angelou describe. It wasn’t easy for her. It was intentional and required attention and care to ensure that it was successful. Like the discussion packet stated, love is purposeful and mutual. This had that. She reinforced my belief that love, perfect love, is achievable. But not on this campus…

Through my summer of research, I came to the conclusion that love can’t be found; it needs to be cultivated. The environments on campus where men and women interact don’t create a space for us to foster relationships. In fact, it encourages the opposite. It induces snap judgments and discrimination. When I began associating with the black community on Cornell’s campus, I assumed finding a boy would easier. I was under the assumption that black men would be more inclined to see me as attractive, while white guys may not see my black features as attractive as my white female counterparts. But, I once again I was surprised to learn that even the black men at Cornell weren’t looking to find a real relationship.

At this point, a girl can do one of two things: (1) participate in hook-up culture or (2) be alone. I’ve decided to be alone. And it doesn’t feel good. As of right now, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t valued. To be frank, it isn’t even considered. I used to be mad that this campus did very little to teach about love and relationships. Now, I’m indifferent and I’m led to  pursue love in all the wrong ways. I want to be in love and loved so much that I am willing to redefine love and intimacy in order to find it on this campus.

National Treasures

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It isn’t everyday that I  feel like a character is a Nicholas Cage movie.  Walking through the Kroch Rare Manuscripts Room in Olin Library, it was as if I was in National Treasure.  Like Benjamin Gates, I felt an innate need to discover the hidden treasures.

As we celebrate the 150th anniversary of Cornell, it’s interesting to reflect back on what also was occurring around that time too. I’m no history buff but when the 13th amendment was established, Ezra and Andy were also championing Cornell University to State Congress. I never would’ve guessed that our campus’s history and nation’s history were simultaneously occurring.  Each shaping the others legacy.

Right now, Cornell has an exhibit titled “Gods and Scholars.” This exhibit is all about teaching religion at a secular university. “Heathens on the hill” was often how Cornell was referred to because we were established as a secular school. But Cornell’s “secular status” has little to do with atheism and everything to do with our openness to all religions.  

When the tour guide gave us a private tour of some of Cornell’s most valuable primary sources, I was excited to feel and see the history. I think as students, we often neglect to see history for its value. We forget to reflect. And I believe that through reflection we can grow and ultimately growth brings us closer to the truth. So as I saw truth up close, I was surprised to see that truth is often skewed.  While I am not national treasure hunter, I do have a mission to discover truths on this campus. While my truths have little to do with primary documents, I will continue to reflect and seek truth and acknowledge the bias that may be present. 

A New Dance

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I love learning about bodies. Whether it is about the brutality of black bodies or, in this case, how we come to understand our body. In this workshop, I had the pleasure of dissecting how I’ve come to know my body through food, exercise and words. After this workshop, I came away with the understanding that accepting your body as whole is a dance.

I love my body and fully accept it as it is. I haven’t always been able to say this. For a long time, I thought my body was a dirty and ugly vesicle, unwanted and forgettable. I haven’t always been confident and it was an arduous process to get a place where I can fully claim and praise my body. I realized that once I gave my body meaning (more importantly, acknowledging that God had already given my body meaning), there was a shift in the way I carried myself. No longer did I worry about what others thought of my body, no longer did I question how attractive my body, no longer was body about politics, sex or their economy. It was simple purposeful.

I’ve always been different. Additionally, I’ve known that I was suppose to me different. But, when you are surrounded by people who don’t look like you or value your body, it is hard to see its diversity as beautiful. When I accepted the fact that God made be to be distinguished and extraordinary, it was easier to see that a ordinary body, mind or soul was something I never wanted.

While the details of this workshop are of little importance, the affirmation that I received from the fellow attendees is what this workshop meaningful.

I can confidently shout that I love my body but that doesn’t exclude me from the doubt, micro-aggression, racism, and sexism that my body receives to diminish its purpose. I know that coming to the specific and recognizing  my power has allowed me to continuing dancing a new dance with myself.

Creating a Space

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As someone with little knowledge of the tech industry, I thought having dinner with Michael Belkin, creator of Distinc.tt, a social-lifestyle network for the LGBT community, would be a good introduction. Yet, I didn’t learn a single thing about Distinc.tt’s impact tech or Distinc.tt’s business practices.  I came away from this dinner with a greater understanding on Distinc.tt’s foundation on people – a lens which tech is never viewed through.

Michael was incredibly passionate about creating spaces for the LBGT community that he built a virtual one for individuals to engage with one another. He was highly invested about making room for the LBGT community that he dedicated his life to expanding this platform and making it more accessible to others. Even at this dinner, this business man, this creative genius cultivated a place for students, like me who have limited knowledge on technology, to understand this growing industry. Michael is the prime example of a person I would like to call a “space creator” or room-maker.”

I think we can all learn a powerful lesson from Michael. Creating space for people to come together is important, in fact vital. While Michael employs this within the LGBT community around the virtual world, this very same conversation is occurring in the black community at Cornell. Black Students United (BSU) hosted a General body meeting tonight titled, “Sold Out.” This conversation centered on “sell outs” in the black community, with an overarching question of “What is your responsibility to the community?” My answer to that question, much like Michael’s, would be to create a space.

Communities are meant to grow and that can’t occur unless we are ensuring that there is room and a place for new people to interact with one another. It’s not hard to be a room-maker, yet I find that so many people on this campus struggle with this. I’ve heard countless excuses for why the black community isn’t welcoming ranging from, “people at Cornell are awkward” to “people on the fringes need to make more of an effort” to “it isn’t my responsibility to personally invite all black people to black spaces.”

I’m tired and, frankly, irritated that in my short two years at Cornell, very few leaders in the black community are creating spaces. People often compare the struggle of LGBT folks to blacks in regards to how fast society and legislation has accepted and welcomed us. Movements led by the LGBT community, while tenuous, weren’t nearly as longer as those led by black individuals. I’m led to believe this had to do with the internal relationships that LGBT people have with each. Unlike black individuals they create spaces and create room for their community members.

I hope the black community at Cornell can look to the morals of Michael and begin to cultivate a place for individuals to be in communion.

Are you willing to give up your privilege?

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Its not everyday that I get to sit down with a white male, who fully acknowledges his privilege and actively resists his institutionalized power, for dinner.

As a student who hopes to pursue a career in service to others, I was pushed to evaluate my own privilege. It is very easy to forget that I, a black woman, have privilege. But my privilege doesn’t stem affirmative action, it comes from the Ivy League University I called Big Red. It comes from my middle class status, English as my first language, and my able bodiedness.

Yet when all of that was presented to me, all I could think about is the internal privilege. My thoughts about service are privileged.

The idea of international development is privileged. How dare the Anglo-Saxon world come to another part of the world, perceived as needing the white man’s help, and impose Western views of prosperity?

The idea of social entrepreneurship is privileged. We neglect to think that social entrepreneurship is about making a good for some, regardless of their country. Imagine a group of woman in Bangladesh manufacturing parts to make a wheelchair for a paralyzed child in America. This woman is participating in social entrepreneurship.  We think that social entrepreneurship is only for those in developed countries. This isn’t true. One type of country doesn’t have monopoly over social entrepreneurship.

The idea foreign aid is privileged. How can we think to rebuild economies when we impose economic disasters on them? After the earthquake Haiti, many developed countries flocked to send aid. The thing about foreign aid is that it typically hampers the economies of communities because individuals aren’t circulating money anymore. A Haitian man was quoted saying, “After the natural disasters surfaced, an economic disasters soon followed.”

As a person with the intention to do good, I need to acknowledge and actively resist institutionalized powers. When we can do this, we will see a change in the way that we interact with various groups, communities, or nations. Are you willing to give up your privilege, internal or external? With the small that I have, I am.

Is Success Exclusive?

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After attending the Rose-Becker cafe, featuring Dan Schwarz , I can confidently say that we (the Cornell community) needs to re-evaluate how we define success and the contexts we apply it to. Personally, I don’t believe that there is a formula to being successful and that the processization of Cornell’s definition of success has made success singular and inflexible.

I was told as a young child that success meant being happy and living a life of passion. But from my first year at Cornell, success now means following a highly detailed and direct pipeline to the corporate world. Dan Schwarz’s advice of “getting a summer internship” and “interviewing with companies” falls right in line with this kind of thought.

Success has now become a word that equates with idiosyncrasy. Which in turn, means that only certain people who fit this mode are deemed successful. Why is it that students entering the business, consulting, or tech fields are much quicker to call themselves successful than students who study the arts or humanities? Success on Cornell’s campus so unattainable that students such as myself, whose passions lie outside of “corporate America,” are currently in the market for another word to describe our achievements and accomplishments because success has been monopolized by the corporate world and a system that values financial gain over intellectual, spiritual or relationships wealth.

I am not here to say that students who focus in business are at fault. I am only here to point out that there needs to be shift in the way we communicate certain ideals about success on this university. This is precisely why we need to redefine success and return it to other populations of students who are actively pursuing fields that don’t lead to the C-suite.