Why is there are dispassionate amount of self-defense classes for women? Do men need self-defense classes? Are there self-defense classes for men? Does this world teach men how to defend themselves? Is there a need to teach women’s self defense because our society lacks the tools and resources for women to learn?

Men are provided self-defense tactics since birth. From an early age, men are encouraged to lean in; while women are taught to pull back in situations that call for action. Additionally, confidence is instilled. Even as children, boys already embody stereotypes of the male persona and claim to be “stronger” and “faster” than girls, even when there is little to no difference. Simply, the fact that boys have more interaction with violence (through video games, and products marketed through media as “male toys”), has given men an advantage when it comes to protecting themselves. Overall, childhood gave boys experiences in which they could act; childhood offered girls the opposite. It is no surprise to me that as young women start becoming more independent, they realize their inability to protect themselves and live in perpetual fear.

As a child, I was always advised to protect myself. Suggestions included, not to be alone or not to invite sexual predators but never told how to do that. So did that mean I was expected to not leave my house or not wear clothing of my choice? To me those options always seemed more like a punishment rather than caring advice. Never was I encouraged to play action games or told I was the “strongest” person. I was told to be confident in my looks, confidence in my intelligence. While those are qualities one should be confident in, assurance in those qualities have left my vulnerable in many ways.

So here I am standing in a circle trying to acquire self-defense skills by watching two woman demonstrate moves called “tiger” and “deer.” In a room predominately filled with women and a few men, instructed by older women, I see that I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

Like the women in the room, I live in fear. This fear has propelled us to take a class to address this fear. Yet, I wonder if the correct treatment is self-defense classes. It doesn’t address the issue at hand. It may lessen the culture of fear that impacts women in their college years to retired aged women but it does not fix this problem, which touches women across various ages groups. The fear is that rape is called “the most underreported violent crime in America.” The fear is that the percentage of rapists who are never incarcerated is 97 percent. The fear is that assaults by strangers is 14 percent.

Therefore, its reasonable to assume that women know their actors. I wonder how the use of self-defense class can even begin to address this.? Is here even time or space to perform one of these moves when your boyfriend has violated your boundaries? Is it even possible to use the “palm to head” strategy when it’s your brother, father, professor, pastor, or neighbor? Self-defense preaches the idea that those who want to hurt me will only do it a deserted alley late at night in an uninhibited part of town. Self-defense tells a narrative that my attacker will try to physically harm me, when his goal might be psychological or emotional.

Sadly enough, I already know this. I’m sure the teaching instructors know this. But for the time being, I will continue to practice my moves and the instructors will continue holding class. But I hope that we, women and men, can come together to rectify the larger issue – a society where women live in fear of harm.