For My Door

I didn’t know what linoleum prints were. Growing up the recreational was scarce and I only really had experience with Crayola’s crayons and watercolor on looseleaf sheets. Sitting in the Johnson with fancy tools and these innovative tools for creating art, I realized how privileged I am to be a Cornell and join a program such as The Rose Scholars.

I love drawing cats so I went ahead and started creating my linoleum print of a house cat. It came out surprisingly cute and great. For my first attempt with linoleum printing, I thought I had done an amazing job.

I knew that I wanted my new prints of feline, feminine, and dark essence to go on my door. For my door is the first thing people might encounter when they want to see me. They will know that I too am, essentially, complex. Like the different but dark colors of my prints, for my door will give you snippets of my story. These linoleum prints, created on a day where I was happy and felt like I knew myself, these prints were nonetheless, ambiguous. For my door holds these prints – prints that were reaped and sowed in the presence of privilege, but oppression. For the print was messy and jagged and typical for any middle class child that first touched linoleum. For my door tells the story of an unsophisticated artist, who is exposed to knowledge and exponentially sponges it.

Energy

I walked into the Self-defense workshop low in energy and not really wanting to be there. Once the instructors began, I automatically felt the switch in energy. From the stances we made, to the quick, jerky moves against an invisible attacker, I gained energy.

Disclaimer: I will sound crazy.

But the energy was coming centrifugally. At one point I felt from the pit of my stomach warmth radiating. This of course, could’ve been a placebo effect since the instructors did tell us that we would be pulling energy from the center. What ever it was, I caught myself realizing that I can do this all the time (not only for self-defense).

When I wake up in the morning and can’t seem to get out of bed – Just practice pulling central energy.

When I don’t want to do work or I’m stuck on a problem – Just practice pulling central energy.

This short, but powerful workshop enlightened me to all I have to offer myself. A hidden potential energy. A physical shift.

Breaking the Standards

As an IDP facilitator of gender, I too often find myself conforming to gender norms that I might not always want to conform to. I paint my nails, I try to smile more often, I wear heels, I squeal at baby pictures (although I might not necessarily feel like squealing). I too am having trouble ‘Breaking The Box’. Maybe, it’s too late for me to break the box completely; there are things that I have been taught that I would feel completely uncomfortable not doing ever again.

Through this event, the conversation that ensued the event, and my role as a facilitator I understand now that there are certain actions and everyday things that we all do that perpetuate the gender restrictions.

I think the event did a good job introducing gender norms and restrictively to people who might not be as exposed to these notions. First we must understand what society expects (the two boxes; man and woman) to learn how to be more inclusive of other people who identify with genders that do not fit into man and woman.

The Hands that Fight As Well

Sitting in a cinema, watching a documentary about underdogs winning a fight against corporations, I couldn’t help but think of all those that didn’t have the (few, but still crucial) resources that were offered to them (largely, if not all, coming from white people willing to help). I couldn’t help but think that people of color cannot win unless we have some white people that are well-intentioned. In America, brown and black people cannot fight for rights and get them, unless they have access to the resources that are made abundantly available to white people. This documentary can possibly create an image that “if you fight hard enough, you will get what you want”, creates an false sense of meritocracy – which is simply not true in America. Without the help of white people willing to help, the system wouldn’t of cared about what undocumented, people of color had to say about their working conditions. This documentary has the risk of turning into a single underdog story.

Overall, the film was great and shines light on the working conditions of undocumented workers. It is important to create laws and policies to protect ALL people regardless of immigration status.

Who can write in the city’s history books

Who can create art in the spaces that the city owns? Only those granted formal permission by the city and its chosen members.

As a NYC native and an advocate for the occupy-what-ever-space-you’d-like-because-that’s-what-this-society-has-taught-us movement, I do not completely approve of a group of people deciding what can be considered art (nonetheless, good art) in the city of Ithaca (or in any city for that matter).

Who are the artists? What social groups do they belong to? Are they all men, majority men…are they all white, majority white?…are they all heterosexual, majority heterosexual? What political, religious, ideological beliefs do these artists have? And are they representative of the multitude of cultures, experiences, languages, etc that comprise of it’s surround?

In NYC, anything that is done by a person of color is considered vandalism. But when Bansky does it, it is revolutionary; art.

I question what this society considers art and what it considers vandalism, and the fine line an artist must dance on to find the balance of expression.

How can we, as a society catalyzed by a dominant (white, male, heterosexual, able, etc) culture, learn to accept that all forms of art (whether legal or illegal) are forms of art?

A.bsolutely M.agnificent & Y.outhful – Amy’s story

As a self-proclaimed connoisseur of music, I rarely pay attention to artists that have too much spotlight on them. There is a specific lack of authenticity once an artist is relegated via a monetary tag. Once an artist becomes popular, they lose the ability to have a say over their craft and they are asked to make one thing above all – money. Despite my youth when Amy was big, I never paid attention to her. Everyone listened to that one song that made her famous (Rehab) and that was all I knew Amy for.

I’m sorry Amy…

Whether it was your story or the director of the film, the movie theater was quieter than ever. Not because nobody was making any types of sound, but because you handed me, through your lyrics of poetic masterpieces I have never heard before, the vivid pictures you painted filled all my senses.

A truly touching and tragic story about someone that was meant to be great, but not famous. Amy I have added you to a list of selected artists. I listen to you now unaware of your mainstream popularity and I push past the studio version of your songs and go straight to the live performances – where you shined for a small group of people, but crumbed under the crowd.

I miss the artist you could’ve became, I miss the artist you were. I never knew you, but I met you today at Cornell’s Cinema – just me and you and no one else and you left my heart wrenched and broken. A brokenness only your music has mended.  A brokenness only your lyrics can glue.

Re:Membering the past. Ex-boyfriends and other types of people that shouldn’t be allowed in your self-loving garden

As I opened the red message box on Facebook from my (now ex) boyfriend and slowly read “We need to talk” I already knew it was over. An over that I needed badly after being in a brief, but nonetheless verbally offensive relationship. He broke up with me (both as he said and as I perceived) because I was too fat.

Despite having such a (no pun intended) growing body of friends, family, and overall people that loved me and saw past my physicality and loved all aspects of my psychical being, the words from a partner hurt more and still vibrate a month after the break up. It vibrates when, after he muttered the words “I don’t go to the gym to date a fat girl”, my tics from childhood came back – shaking my foot up and down in a restless leg syndromic way, and biting my cuticles until they bled. Tics that had been around since my cousin passed away when I was 6. Tics that my psychologist from CAPS said existed because of my bi-polar and ADHD tendencies. Tics that I learned were non-verbal cues that told people I was a ticking time bomb – “Oh I just thought you were an overall anxious/antsy girl”.

This was all I could think about when Lyn asked us to pose in the position of activity you do the most. Even posing caused anxieties to flare up. And even writing this post I had to bandaid a finger after chewing away at my cuticles for the past hour remembering all the hurtful things I had to erase from the past month.

Why do I share such an intimate story to a group of Rose Scholar bloggers?

Because nobody should have to go through the verbal abuse that I went through. A verbal abuse that went on months too long, and completely destroyed any body positivity I had accumulated. Especially at Cornell, physicality is treasured and those who don’t fit into that trove are casted out.

Because I know how it feels like to be told you’re not enough and to somehow find the strength to see past the pain right now.

Because he has not stopped me from fully embracing and going to small sessions called “Love Your Body”.

Because during the session, when Lyn told us to draw yourself, I didn’t know she meant draw your body too.

Because as I stood there, the only one with a face portrait, and was asked to point out five things they love about their physical self, I couldn’t think of one.

Because this is the last time I want to speak of him and let his hurtful words influence anything I do.

Because I spend time out of my day (instead of studying) trying to find posts online from people who have went through this type of physical negation.

 

 

 

So that I can resist the urge to message him again.

‘Because if you ever find yourself explaining to someone your value, you have already forgotten your worth…

 

 

 

So to anyone fighting for their right to live in their homes; their bodies, please read below:

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http://latinarebels.tumblr.com/

What?

There was no denying that there were moments of auditory perfection during the Jazz Concert, but non-the-less it sucked. It felt like an argument with five different people at the same time – monolog-ish. Perhaps my untrained Jazz ears couldn’t fully appreciate the avant-garde Jazz band, but that still does not detract from the fact that it was unappealing if you were not a connoisseur of Jazz. If you did not grow up playing Jazz instruments, played in a Jazz band, had the money to go to several Jazz concerts and/or had the privilege to listen to the best this type of Jazz wouldn’t of been fitting to your cochlear tendencies. Jazz is a cultural phenomenon, an art grown from the poor (as most arts are) and, soon discovered, taken for the rich. Looking across Bailey’s Concert Hall, middle to upper class white men filled the seats and blurted out loud “WOWs” during the performance, where I, a low-income woman of color, am left with the “WHYs”. This specific concert was for the socially refined and culturally specific. It lacked social capital diversity and (to say the least) pompous in it’s attempts. I entered Bailey Hall hoping to reach further into my African Roots and love for New Orleans, and I left feeling more out of place at Cornell than I ever had.

Art and Fashion as Modes of Socialization and Liberation for Women – The Oxymoronic fashion available to women throughout history.

Art and Fashion as Modes of Socialization and Liberation for Women – The Oxymoronic fashion available to women throughout history.

Form over function – the underlying and forever perpetuated theme that constantly reminds us that what we wear is more than just what we wear. Especially if you are a woman. The limited collection of men’s clothing on display were of military men and firefighters – all examples of function and form. Men are, according to this exhibit/ the items on collection (in the College of Human Ecology), wear clothing that fits their tasks. They wear flame retardant clothing and colors that help the camouflage during their militarian days.  Women on the other hand, were socially forced to wear corsets even during pregnancy. The never changing form of the woman doesn’t fit her function(s).

Corset for pregnant women, can be adjusted through pregnancy terms, but is still used to keep the "womanly" curves.

Corset for pregnant women, can be adjusted through pregnancy terms, but is still used to keep the “womanly” curves.

Fashion is more than just what we wear. It is a telling history of political, social, and economic movements. The broad shoulder pads that women in male-dominated professions donned was more telling of the need for women to look more masculine to gain more respect within their fields. Yet the dress must be adorned in teddy bears to keep femininity high. You are to have the broad controlling shoulders of a man to gain respect, but you are nevertheless not allowed too much power with the need to include soft, nurturing, and mothering prints such as teddy bears – an oxymoron of sorts.

Teddy bear printed dress. In form, it included broad shoulder pads, but still accentuated society's need to always show the feminine form.

Teddy bear printed dress. In form, it included broad shoulder pads, but still accentuated society’s need to always show the feminine form.

Although not part of the Collection, Samantha Stern’s ‘Malevolent Empowerment’, perfectly encompassed the reality that most women battle with in the name of fashion. The dress featured a 300 pound brass/wire&metal mesh petticoat/train, but exhibited an unapologetic top piece, where if the wind blew a certain direction the top would be exposed in numbers of different degrees. This beautifully highlights the 1920s feminism – exposed but immobile, discrete yet uncaring. The impossibility of movement within the piece is clearly symbolic of the immobility of women within society, yet there is still the illusion of progression through the exposure of free sexuality.

Heavy train/petticoat, with loose, organic fabric movement on the top structure.

Heavy train/petticoat, with loose, organic fabric movement on the top structure.

Rachel Kwong's Metal Expanse, a visual representation of form over function

Rachel Kwong’s Metal Expanse, a visual representation of form over function

Kwong’s dress perfectly encompasses the forever fading, yet harsh reality of fashion – it is either liberating or socializing us all. For a very long time, women’s fashion was about the form (the over sexualization and accentuation of the feminine form and how that form has to be). Not until recently has more mainstream fashion resulted in function for women, however we still see the prevalence of the form in all the things we wear. The need for a synched waist is seen across all types of fashion and across ethnic boarders. Through fashion, we are socialized to fit a certain mold, but through fashion we are also liberated to explore the different mediums of empowerment and privilege. Fashion it’s self is contradictory, it is oxymoronic – it is both good and bad for the woman. How we wear things and What we wear are indicators of not only the societal conditions of women in the era, but also indicators of the progression (or lack there of) of feminist movements.

Metal as a form of conforming to form, but also metal as a malleable and changeable substance. Perhaps the status of women is not more telling than the fashion of metal – status of the woman is changing, but it is changing slowly.

Robin Reynolds' piece on humanity and art.

Robin Reynolds’ piece on humanity and art.

Gender fluidity & the use of color

It’s always a little overwhelming to enter an art gallery and have very little information about the artists or the piece (or art in general). Upon enter the dining room, i quickly noticed the abstractness of the artwork – and you always have to ask yourself, Is this good art? The answer, in this case, is yes – each piece had a story behind it that was layered with testimonial work towards identity, familial structure, current events, and general art techniques. The author mentioned the use of gender ambiguity as a coming of age identity issue and the general use of gender ambiguity as a mode of self-isolation and anti-questioning methodology.

My favorite piece was of the (gender ambiguous) woman that was situated in a window setting. The use of color within the painting automatically signaled me to see the woman as of middle eastern or Mediterranean decent. The use of vibrant reds, yellows, hues of turquoise/ other blues and greens were really the determining factor between my brain’s association of ethnicity/ race. And that is portrayed, unlike the other paints, heavily through the use of color within this particular painting. Which I thought was interesting, since I caught myself early determining such a heavily social construction based on something as subtle as color.