By Tim Jahn, M.ED
They’re too young to work, but too old for many of the local library programs. They think they’re too grown up for day camp, but you feel they’re definitely not grown up enough to be left alone all day. Let’s face it, they’re “tweeners,” and finding the right balance between freedom and structure during the summer vacation can be challenging.
Before you decide what to do with your pre-teen during the summer, consider the following guidelines firmly established by research:
- Large amounts of unsupervised time are directly correlated with unsafe behavior.
- Children need the safety and security of structure.
- Academic skills often decline over the summer months.
So how should a parent handle a pre-teen who just wants to hang out at the mall or play video games all day?
Establish reasonable expectations for summer vacation.
It’s a good idea to maintain regular times for waking up and going to bed. Likewise, you’ll want to set limits on activities like using the Internet, watching television, or staying out after dark. Continue to expect your child to complete his chores and use his time wisely.
Set strict limits on unsupervised time.
While pre-teens may be able to manage modest amounts of unsupervised time without problems, you’ll want to regulate when, where, and with whom this time may be spent. Long hours home alone or hanging out with peers at the mall or park are generally not safe. If you work, you may want to enroll your child in a pre-teen friendly program at least part time.
Help your child find constructive things to do.
While kids need free time to relax, explore, and dream, they also need structure. Check out local community resources. Many libraries offer young adult programs and many communities have summer recreation programs designed for pre-teens and teens. Perhaps your son can take music lessons or your daughter can work as a mother’s helper for a parent of young children.
Don’t neglect learning.
At a minimum, kids should continue to read throughout the summer vacation. Visiting zoos, museums, and historical sites while on vacation can provide interesting learning experiences. Kids can also do research on the Internet, keep a journal, write poetry, or develop a hobby.
Tim Jahn is a Human Ecology Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program and leads workshops for parents of pre-teens and teens. He can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 331 or at tcj2@cornell.edu.