By Maxine Roeper Cohen, M.S.
In our world today there are many senseless mass killings and other acts of terrorism. All of us worry about our own family’s safety and security and we feel very vulnerable. As adults, we find it difficult to process these violent, senseless acts. As parents, we must find a way to reassure our children so that they feel safe in this unsafe world.
One of the best ways to cope is to limit your children’s access to media. When your children watch television news, try to watch with them so that you can answer their questions. Explain that media news stresses the sensational and that these violent acts are not everyday occurrences. They are relatively rare, but watching them makes them seem almost common. Having the television on for a long period of time allows such reports to be repeated several times, and this increases anxiety for the entire family.
Your children should be encouraged to ask questions. Ask your children if anything is worrying them. Try to correct any misinformation they might have heard at school or at friends’ homes. As you answer their concerns, try not to give violent details in your response. The type of conversation you have should depend on your child’s age. Children’s feelings should not be suppressed or ridiculed. Instead, for young children, try to reassure them that adults close to them will keep them safe. Maintain your normal family routines which include meal times, chores, and sleep times. When young children hear about terror, they might experience increased separation anxiety or bouts of crying. They might have problems sleeping or with toileting. Again, listening to their concerns and answering questions simply will go a long way in reassuring them.
With your school-aged children, be honest but try to emphasize how unlikely it is for these acts to occur in your neighborhood. Focusing on their daily routines of school, homework, sports, hobbies, and family fun times might alleviate some of their anxiety.
If your child seems to be extremely upset or inconsolable, is withdrawn or is defiant, there might be a need to seek professional help.
We, as parents, are role models. Children can pick up on their parents’ sense of anxiety or fear. Try to focus on strengthening ties to family and friends. We can’t control everything but we can teach our children coping skills. To combat feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, reach into your community to help those in need. Your entire family can help in a soup kitchen, toy or food drive. Focusing on what you can do together builds a sense of control in our imperfect world.
Maxine Roeper Cohen is a Parent Educator with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program. She can be reached at mc333@cornell.edu.