Dr. Alvarez needed more time to speak. I know this to be true because there were many deep themes introduced, through the social justice lens, that needed the audience needed more time to delve into.
However, his presence was the best kind of overwhelming, as I could not place him in any one box. I accepted the ideas, poems and thoughts he threw into the atmosphere with an open mind, and found myself in a place that I hadn’t been in a while – my soul.
In my daily life, I am in my mind, allowing it to affirm or question what it knows, while contemplating taking in more. Ever so often, I will attend a church service, livestream a service, watch a SuperSoul Sunday, or have a deep conversation with a friend about spirituality, and find myself discovering and reclaiming parts of my inner spirit. But to be in my soul, I don’t allow to take up my time.
My soul is the place where Love‘s unanswered questions and feelings reside, at least part of it. I like to divide love into two parts – the part that affirms my belief that God is Love and the part that is affected by human interactions. The latter resides in my soul and I don’t tamper with it much. Reason being was excellently said by Dr. Alvarez in the poem that he recited – a place that I don’t want to go.
One might question why I wouldn’t want to question the love in my soul. That love is fragile. It is a love that sets aside, and belittles, all of my accomplishments and accolades, and places a mirror in front of the parts no one can see. The part that has internalized all of the good and bad that I have seen. The bad relationships that I grew up around. The bad people that I came in contact with. The bad experiences that have scarred my ideas of love. But also, the good and idolized relationships that I grew up around. The good people who, to this day I cannot figure out why, love me, yet have no familial ties to me. The good images of love from Black and white romantic comedies that do not often match up with the realities around me. All of these things that I don’t tamper with because I fear they will make me cry, or desire more, or question what is, rest within my soul.
Dr. Alvarez did many things for me during his visit, but the most important was reminding me that there are some things I need to deal with. This is important because recently I had a conversation with one of my closest friends, during a confusing time for me. She explained how when she was in a similar place of doubt and hurt she learned that it was time to deal with all of the things that she hadn’t. Once she did, her life and love have improved tremendously.
I think that it’s time for me to do the same, so that Love & Life may be the good things they are designed to be for me.
