By Maxine Roeper Cohen, M.S.
The middle school years are revealing in differentiating male vs. female student language ability, attention span, and empathy feelings. There are always exceptions, but for the most part girls are better organized, have their homework completed, tower above the boys in height, and are more responsive in classroom situations. This maturity gap is largest during the early teen years.
Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine and the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia conducted a 2016 study of cognitive skills and brain function in 3500 youngsters aged 8 – 21. They found that young teen girls recall words more quickly, which is an indicator of language and decision-making skills. Thirteen year old girls verbally outpace boys of the same age. Boys might take more time to answer questions and parents need to be patient. Give your young teen boy a chance to respond, and explain to him that everybody develops at a different rate. It is better to focus on short-term goals such as doing better than yesterday and hoping to do even better next week and month! Emphasize his own particular strengths, and build up his confidence.
The study also found that young teen boys are slower to develop the ability to pay close attention to a task. While a young teen girl might attack a pile of homework, a young teen boy might procrastinate or not focus on the task. Parents can help their son by monitoring what needs to be done in a non-judgmental manner. Criticism does not motivate any one. It is better to ask how you can help, or tell him that you will check in with his progress in fifteen minutes. Helping him to create a daily to-do list may get him on track. It is especially rewarding when he can check off all he has accomplished.
In the emotional arena, the study found that young teen boys are slower to understand other people’s feelings. Seeing others being teased, bullied, or in pain may not move him as it might move a young teen girl. The study also indicates that these boys lag behind girls in both understanding others’ feeling by looking at facial expressions, and in the process of “mentalizing” (figuring out what others are thinking based on body language, conversation, and other cues). Again, family life at home is important in acquiring these emotional skills. Parents can talk about their own feelings and those of others. They can use books or films as a springboard for conversations about how others feel and how their son can understand and respond accordingly. It can take awhile since mentalizing requires integrating brain regions linked to language and emotional perceptions via neural connections that, again, develop differently in boys.
The key is patience. The study indicates that teen boys do catch up, usually by age 15. Along the way to maturity, support your young teen boy in order to bolster his positive sense of self and his social status. By later teenage-hood, boys start to tower over girls and become more comfortable and confident in their own abilities.
Maxine Roeper Cohen is a Parent Educator with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program. She can be reached at mc333@cornell.edu.