Going to Bed

By Nancy Olsen-Harbich, MA

Everyone Benefits When Preschoolers Get to Bed on Time

Three and a half year old Emma hates to go to bed. Her parents adore her, but hate the bedtime battles. Even after Emma is peacefully asleep, her parents are still on edge, their plans to spend time enjoying each other’s company shattered.

Sound familiar? Many parents of preschoolers say they frequently feel resentful towards their children when every bedtime is a scene. When day is done, you can still seize a few precious hours of the evening by carefully planning and sticking to a bedtime routine for your children.

Your Needs Are Important, Too

Let’s be clear that two sets of needs are in play here: yours and your children’s. Get comfortable with the idea that the kids must go to bed because you need them to go to bed. After a long day of parenting, plus dealing with all your other responsibilities, you deserve some downtime. A few hours of “childless” time at the end of the day will allow you to connect with your spouse, hobbies, a good book, or even just clean a closet without interruptions. This time will allow you to recharge so that you have the energy and patience to joyfully continue the hard job of parenting the next day.

You will also be helping your children get the sleep they need. Eleven or twelve hours of sleep is not too much sleep for preschoolers. So, if your preschooler usually wakes up at 7 am, start bedtime routines by 7 pm.

Ease Kids into Sleep

Allow for 30 to 45 minutes of “sleep readiness.” A soothing routine of activities can help your child make the physical and emotional transition from a busy day to restful sleep. Every family has their own “take” on what routine best brings the day to a close, but reading a story or having a quiet bedside conversation usually works well. The key is to develop a predictable pattern of quiet activities, combined with a gentle but firm “good night.”

Consistency is very comforting to young children (ages 3 to 5). Announce that in five minutes it will be time to get ready for bed, let them finish what they are doing, and begin the routine. End it with a friendly “I love you and will see you in the morning.” If your child insists that she is not tired, don’t argue. Let her unwind as adults often do, with a good book.

Once in bed, children should be in for the night, except for quick trips to use the bathroom, or if they truly are sick, or have nightmares. Otherwise, wanderers should be brought back to bed immediately. Say little beyond “Family time is over, I love you, see you in the morning.” Your child benefits from good sleep, and you benefit by having time for yourself as a person, a partner, and a parent.

Nancy Olsen-Harbich is Program Director and a Human Development Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program. She can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 332 or at no18@cornell.edu.