By Tim Jahn, M.ED
The holidays are not always happy times for families. For some adults and kids, the holidays may evoke feelings of loss, magnify conflict, or increase stress. In fact, many people experience “holiday blues” that can include anxiety, moodiness, fatigue, disaffection, and post-holiday disappointment.
For pre-teens, the holiday blues may translate into grumpiness, withdrawal, sadness, and sometimes anger. It’s normal for pre-teens to be embarrassed by childhood traditions or be critical of the perceived hypocrisy of seasonal good will. Many pre-teens and teens resent getting dressed up, spending time with adult relatives, and showing gratitude for gifts they don’t like. But parents may be justifiably concerned if their pre-teen responds to every demand of the holiday season with frequent irritability, persistent sadness and constant negativity.
Chronic bad mood, persistent feelings of sadness, loneliness and hopelessness, hypersensitivity, pessimism, and beliefs of persecution are among the symptoms indicating child and adolescent depression. Depressed kids may also:
- Express feelings of being inadequate or worthless
- Be unable to enjoy previously satisfying activities
- Break off friendships
- Show extreme changes in daily habits, routines, and activities
- Have chronic fatigue, low energy, or experience boredom
- Cry easily and often, and/or be frequently angry, sometimes hostile and violent
An estimated five-percent of all kids under age 18 may experience depression at some time. Depression can be treated successfully, but early diagnosis and intervention are essential. Concerned parents should contact a mental health professional in the school or community if they suspect something more than just the “blues.”
If the “holiday blues” threaten to ruin family fun, here are a few tips for reducing holiday stress:
- Have realistic expectations. Cleaning, decorating, shopping, gift-giving, meal preparation, and visiting can quickly get out of control and overwhelming if you don’t set some limits.
- Make plans and prepare a budget. Credit card debt is often a factor in post-holiday letdown.
- Choose holiday traditions and activities that reflect your values.
- Maintain regular routines that provide children with a sense of stability and security.
- Be available to your children. Be a good listener and pay attention to children’s behavior so you can spot symptoms of stress or depression.
- Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your children. Get plenty of sleep, avoid overeating, and limit your consumption of caffeine and alcohol.
Tim Jahn is a Human Ecology Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program and leads workshops for parents of pre-teens and teens. He can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 331 or at tcj2@cornell.edu.