At the beginning of the semester, we read Audre Lorde’s “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power,” in which she writes:
“We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings. But, once recognized, those which do not enhance our future lose their power and can be altered. The fear of our desires keeps them suspect and indiscriminately powerful, for to suppress any truth is to give it strength beyond endurance. The fear that we cannot grow beyond whatever distortions we may find within ourselves keeps us docile and loyal and obedient, externally defined, and leads us to accept many facets of our oppression as women.” (pages 57-58)
In class, Prof Goffe asked us what our “yes” is. I’m curious to know what yours are, so please comment if you have an answer or are approaching an answer!
At the beginning of the semester, I wanted to answer that over the summer, I interned with a Native nation in Minnesota working on affordable housing and homelessness work with the Native community in Minneapolis, and every day, even if the work was a bit boring that day, my heart was filled with joy, which was something I hadn’t felt before at any of my other internships or on campus. Doing needed work with an urban Native community–even though it’s not my community–made me so happy because of the love I felt for the community, my coworkers and superiors, and the things we aimed to accomplish. I think my answer has changed a bit over the course of the semester, in part because I thought I would be working on these issues in Minneapolis after I graduate but due to various circumstances, it would make more sense for me to work on my current employer’s reservation. When I found this out, I had to figure out what I wanted, what my idea of “success” is, and what my long-term goals are, and I realized that this job opportunity on the rez actually aligns with what I kept saying my long-term goal was: figuring out how to use Indigenous place-based ecological knowledge to address climate change in ways that don’t just serve settlers. When thinking about the idea of “success,” I realized that somehow my idea of success had been skewed in ways where living in a rural area somehow seemed undesirable and that somehow, you need to live and thrive in a city to be successful. Where did this idea even come from?
The other reason my “yes” has changed a bit was because of an encounter I had last month. When I missed class on 11/11, I went to the commemoration of the 225th anniversary of the Canandaigua Treaty, which is a treaty in which Town Destroyer (George Washington) took away land from the Haudenosaunee (including my nation) by placing us on reservations. At that event, I ran into an elder from my nation who I hadn’t seen in a while, and we started talking about how I could use my professional degree in urban planning to possibly work with the community to figure out how to address the issue of lack of employment opportunities on the rez and the brain drain that’s happening because of this. Before class last Wednesday, we finally managed to connect on the phone, and I was so happy to be able to potentially work with my community on these issues, even if it is pro bono.
I’m realizing that my “yes” is working with Native communities, surrounded by the community, doing work that everyone can have a say towards and that will hopefully benefit everyone and strengthen the community. Being in certain spaces where you’re on a trajectory to attain what I see as a Western definition of success doesn’t give me happiness and a sense of fulfillment, which is probably why I’m so ready to leave this campus after 5.5 years here. I realized this last bit at the UNFCCC COP24 (the UN climate change conference), which I attended last December. I realized that I wouldn’t enjoy working for a mainstream climate/environmental organization because their values and worldviews don’t align with mine. I suppose to conclude this post, I want to say that I hope you don’t feel pressured to rise towards others’ or mainstream society’s idea of what success is: chase your “yes” and feel fulfilled.
Thanks for a great semester, everyone, and best wishes for the future!