“‘How you feel?’ he ask me. ‘I feel like I am under water and everything I just out of reach. Everything is muffled. I can’t quite hear. And I can’t touch or feel anything, my arms just waving about in the air. Except when I am with her and then it is like my feet are on the ground…I can feel the wood under my fingers. And it feels like it matters. That it matters that I am just sitting there with her. That it mean something. I feel happy just to watch her pour the tea and stir in the milk.’” (pg 6)
Reading through the beginning of Pao, I was quickly reminded of Wong Wan Lee from And China Has Hands by H.T. Tsiang, specifically in Wong’s infatuation with Pearl Chang. Here, Pao talks to Zhang about the way he feels around Gloria. He describes the way her presence makes him feel in ways that engage with his senses. First, he describes drowning, which utilizes the imagery of water and its power, which is important to consider in context of Jamaica as an island. Next, Pao describes how helpless he feels: he can’t hear anything clearly, and he is incapable of sensing what is around him through touch. As such, he is rendered helpless.
When Pao is around Gloria, however, these things change. Pao describes feeling stable and grounded around this woman. He clearly describes the feeling of wood, something hard and stable and very unlike the water he begins with. He then translates this feeling of sturdiness to a sense of meaning, belonging, and happiness.
When considering Wong Wan Lee and Pao, I think that this passage demonstrates the loneliness male immigrants of the early 20th century felt. I think of how their loneliness was also projected onto a desire for women and how these men experienced a loss of community. I don’t personally feel that it is right for a man to translate his loneliness into forms of female objectification, but I think that it was a common mode of expression. For Chinese bachelors in New York City during the turn of the 20th century, engaging with a Chinese woman was something rare. Wan Lee and Pao both feel a grounding connection to the woman of their desire, and both are able to attach their sense of belonging to community to a woman. This brings up the issue of desire as well. What are the desires of these two men for these women based in? Are they based in the humanity of each woman?