This week, I had the pleasure to partake in another dinner discussion based on an Atlantic article by Emily Smith entitled “Masters of Love”. The article spoke about a study in which newlywed couples were brought in, asked questions about their relationships, and given physiological tests. The study found that the results of the study were able to predict whether the couples would stay together or get divorced six years later. Some of the physiological tests focused on if the couples felt aroused, stressed, or flight-or fight responses when speaking about their partners. This showed general uneasiness and discomfort with the partners, and the other tests showed how little habits could either help or put long term strain on relationships. I came late to the discussion since I was rushing from work, but I entered when the discussion was centered on what makes relationships work. Some of the responses and points that the article addressed included kindness/compassion, trust, and assuming the best intentions in your partner.

It seemed really trivial that obviously kindness and trust are essential for any good relationship, but I liked how we discussed how we could convey those emotions in every day situations that could reinforce relationships. The key really lies in the nuances in how we use our words. For example, GRF Andrew spoke about when we encounter issues in relationships, it’s important to frame the situation such that it involves the feelings of both partners and does not recklessly accuse one partner in fault. For example, instead of saying: “You didn’t wash the dishes, you’re irresponsible,” a more effective alternative would be “You didn’t wash this the dishes, this makes me feel unappreciated.” The slight change in the use of pronouns could help shift the argument into a discussion that involves both partners rather a single-sided accusation.

What I really liked about the discussion was that the GRFs spoke much about their own personal experiences with their relationships. GRF Andrew told us the story of how he met and eventually married his wife, and how it was difficult to make the relationship work at first since they he was in Ethiopia while she was in NYC. However, he emphasized how vital communication was in keeping their relationship strong even with the long distance (they constantly wrote letters and made late-night calls), and it was a really sweet story for all of us to hear. I hope to see more discussion events like this one, in which we all discuss a prominent topic that is relevant and and share our relatable experiences.