After attending the Love discussion, I think I can officially say that I want to be in love but I will not, might possibly, maybe, most definitely do anything necessary to acquire it.

This past summer, I intensely studied love and relationships. I came in to my freshman year of school expecting to meet my future husband walking across the Arts Quad. I was surprised to learn that the closest I would get would be a “causal hook-up.” For me that meant I would be in a relationship void of commitment, effort and appreciation. I left my freshman year confused about my expectations of romantic relationship on this campus. And I didn’t want to return my sophomore without understanding this dilemma.

As someone who turns to black women for answers, I began to look into the works of literary genius, Maya Angelou and the like. All of the extraordinary women I read about recognize the beauty and sanctity of love. It was interesting to see her quote on love come up in the discussion. It read, “Love is that condition in the human spirit so profound that it empowers us to develop courage; to trust that courage and build bridges with it; to trust those bridges and cross over them so we can attempt to reach each other.” Additionally, bell hooks adds, “When we are loving we openly and honestly express care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment and trust.” Both these women can attest to the fact that love is work.

This discussion experience was made special because I was partnered up with a girl who was in a long distance romantic relationship. She shared with me how loving her boyfriend was serious work, similar to what bell hooks and Maya Angelou describe. It wasn’t easy for her. It was intentional and required attention and care to ensure that it was successful. Like the discussion packet stated, love is purposeful and mutual. This had that. She reinforced my belief that love, perfect love, is achievable. But not on this campus…

Through my summer of research, I came to the conclusion that love can’t be found; it needs to be cultivated. The environments on campus where men and women interact don’t create a space for us to foster relationships. In fact, it encourages the opposite. It induces snap judgments and discrimination. When I began associating with the black community on Cornell’s campus, I assumed finding a boy would easier. I was under the assumption that black men would be more inclined to see me as attractive, while white guys may not see my black features as attractive as my white female counterparts. But, I once again I was surprised to learn that even the black men at Cornell weren’t looking to find a real relationship.

At this point, a girl can do one of two things: (1) participate in hook-up culture or (2) be alone. I’ve decided to be alone. And it doesn’t feel good. As of right now, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t valued. To be frank, it isn’t even considered. I used to be mad that this campus did very little to teach about love and relationships. Now, I’m indifferent and I’m led to  pursue love in all the wrong ways. I want to be in love and loved so much that I am willing to redefine love and intimacy in order to find it on this campus.