Last Friday, I watched Fight Club at Flora’s Film. Having never heard of the movie, I naively expected it to be an overall dry movie with sporadic fight scenes dispersed throughout the movie. However, I was surprised by the depth of themes portrayed within the dialogue and unique cinematography, extending the themes far beyond those typically associated with fighting. Perhaps it was the intention of the film, but I left with my eyebrows cramped into a permanent furrow — feeling utterly rattled and disturbed. Yet, I didn’t seem to observe anyone else’s discomfort. Though I am not someone who particularly enjoys violent films, I have watched them in the past and my overall takeaway has never affected me like it did with this film.

Prior to watching the film, Dr. Hill urged us to look beyond the misogyny and focus on masculinity that is often associated with the film. I would have to say that this was a wise point, as the film covered much more than these themes, especially focusing on self-identification and the difference between the projection of oneself and the ideal of oneself.  I think it is primarily the disconnect between these two and the actions that manifested that made me so disturbed. Without realizing it until the end, the narrator was responsible for making soap out of human fat, pulling a gun on people, forming an amoral, robotic army from humans, and being the ringleader of a group oriented solely to bring mayhem to different places. Until it was revealed at the end, I could not fathom how the narrator willingly worked with Tyler Durden, especially with the narrator’s growing disapproval and understanding of Durden’s actions. Perhaps it is the notion that someone is capable of so much damage yet cannot attribute it to his own responsibility that scares me; the greatest loss of oneself is the loss of control over separating what you believe yourself to be and what you are.

This brings an concept of identity into consideration that is unrelated to the less obvious themes of the movie. Does one’s true self present itself as a combination of who you think you should be and who you think is you? If you adopt entirely different mannerisms, values, and attitudes than those in your past, are you abandoning them or are you merely attempting to hide them with the chance of them escaping?