Self-validation Networks
As an undergrad, the “real world” is rapidly approaching. A world with responsibilities and obligations other than prelims to take and parties to attend. A world that revolves around the infamous concept of “adulting” that has become stigmatized to the point of dread. The majority of people I know are terrified of leaving college and entering the working world, myself included. Why? Why are we scared of accepting jobs and moving onto the next phase of our lives? Why do so many people refer to college as the best years of their lives, and create the idea that life after college is so mundane? Why does it feel like I’m trying to hold on to my last semesters of freedom, as if I’ll never have that kind of luxury ever again?
As someone who likes to be the center of attention, I fully understand the concept of justification through the judgement of others. From a networks perspective, I consider myself to be a bridge between many different social and professional networks that are part of my life, and I thoroughly enjoy fulfilling this role. That being said, I find that the more positively people view me, that better I feel about myself. So much so that I am considering taking a job opportunity from an employer I am uninterested in, solely for the purpose of saying “I will be working for this company”. I feel the need to convince other people that I am successful based on their standards for success rather than my own. I want to be viewed by all the networks that I am a part of, by my strong bonds and my weak bonds, as successful, and as a result, I am losing sight of what I truly value. The networks that surround me create a facade of my exterior desires, and leave my true beliefs behind.
I fundamentally believe that the reason people find college to be so fun is because they haven’t made that wrong decision yet. They haven’t conformed to societal expectations to simply graduate, work, and eventually retire. And when people consciously decide to take a job based on how it will be viewed by their surrounding networks, instead of taking a job based on their own aspirations, they position themselves to live a life that is justified by others. To break this system and pursue one’s own interests will ultimately lead to happiness. Rather than constantly viewing college in retrospect and wishing I could have those moments back, I intend to make my post-college life decisions based on myself. I hope to only be excited by the future, as it will be filled with the realization of my aspirations. While I will always have fond memories of college, the future is what I want to be able to look forward to, a future where my networks are filled with individuals who have pursued their own dreams, rather than the dreams of others. Until then, I will continue to enjoy college, i.e. what may very well be the best years of my life (in case I’m wrong).
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/validation-why-do-some-people-always-need-validation-from-others