This Table Talk provided a valuable setting in which to discuss stress and how to manage it. While stress affects everyone at certain points in their life, it felt particularly important to discuss it amongst students in an environment where stress often seems to be far more of the exception than the norm. Moreover, at a school that encourages challenge and rewards rigor, it is easy to develop an unhealthy relationship with stress, either by completely normalizing it or by shrinking away from it. While such a culture can push individuals to challenge themselves and grow, it undoubtedly has the potential to negatively impact mental health. Since stress is typically felt on an individual basis, it was particularly valuable to engage on such a topic with other students. This exchange initialized a much-needed dialogue on Cornell’s stress culture and ways we have each learned to combat it. The discussion with therapist Ineke Demuynck was also enlightening. I particularly appreciated that Demuynck approached stress from two sides, discussing what triggers it and how to actively confront it. It was interesting to gain a better understanding of the neurological processes that lead to stress responses. Having such a scientific, objective explanation of stress helped shape it as a logical human experience, rather than an uncontrollable, random phenomenon. Countering this explanation with more intuitive, approachable coping mechanisms, Demuynck’s conversation helped shape my notion of stress as something that can be actively managed. Even with simple responses like positive visualizations and mantras, stress is something that can be faced in a healthy, growth-oriented way. In an environment where it is easy to feel powerless in the face of unrelenting stress, this discussion emphasized the active role we can play in our own mental health and the value of openly taking about such issues.

At first, I felt a bit intimidated talking within such a small group with GRF Magdala and guest speaker Ineke Demuynck about such personal matters of mental health.  Nonetheless, once one person opened up, I felt more comfortable as well.  When we talked about methods of dealing with stress, I realized how people had different preferences.  For example, my choice would be to talk it out with my sister over Facetime.  For me, speaking out my problems, concerns or rants helps me process it more than just internalizing it by myself.  Once the thoughts leave my mouth, I have the opportunity to rethink and re frame my perspective about a stressful situation.  Nonetheless, someone else in the group internalized it differently.  Two other students preferred to be alone when dealing with stress.  Instead of speaking with someone, they wanted time to decompress and think by themselves.

Additionally, I noticed that most of our stress stems from comparison with others, and feeling as though we are not doing enough compared to others.  Nonetheless, I believe it’s important to stay clear of these comparisons because everyone is on a different path.  Everyone has a different goal and destination, so it would be reasonable for us to have different paths and methods of getting there.  Therefore, it’s unfair to yourself to compare, because you will get to your destination with time.  In the past, it was difficult not to compare to others, but now I value myself and all the work I put into my work.

It’s also quite interesting to hear Ms.Demuynck speak more about the science behind stress and how stress is not always a bad thing.  Furthermore, we ended with creating a mantra to repeat to ourselves every day.  Though a bit cliche, I chose “You are trying.”  This mantra resonates with me because it lets me know that even when situations aren’t in my favor, I put all my effort into it.  Therefore, I will not beat myself up because I know I tried my best.

Though I had a prelim the next day, I left the table talk with an open and calm mind.

Recently, I’ve been living through a lot of stress and anxiety. About my classes and extracurricular activities, which, although fun, have been consuming a lot of time and, thus, increased my anxiety. About my future, because although I have rather clear ideas about what I want for my life and career, those ideas are pretty much contradictory (I’ve realized this a long time ago, but I still have no answer to the contradictions and still think a lot about them). About my place in this world.
In this sense, it was very helpful to have a Monday Table Talk exactly about stress and mental health in general. Although I didn’t talk much, I constantly compared what people were saying to my own experiences, and to my own ways of dealing with my issues. Although different things/actions/thoughts work for different people, there were a few things I’ve learned I can incorporate to my life.

First, writing down little good things that happens throughout the days. We often remember bad events easilier and focus on them, tending to forget small, good things that happen in our lives, and so taking note of them would be helpful to not forget about them. This semester, I already started keeping a journal with me, but I never used it in that way and, moreover, my entries occur very sporadically. Getting the habit of writing, daily, about the good events will not only make me focus on the good of my life, but also encourage me to externalize my thoughts more frequently into my journal.

Secondly, we were told to create a mantra that works for us. Something easy to remember and that can help getting us through difficult moments. Mine is “Being ‘OK’ right now doesn’t mean you’ll be ‘OK’ tomorrow”.
At the moment of the talk, I didn’t have any good idea, and so I kept my mouth shut. Thinking about it later, at home, I started to focus on the main reason I’ve been living through mental health issues (not only nowadays, but also before I came to college): I always think I’m not doing enough, and think I have to do more. Be that in academics or extracurricular activities. Be that socially (in terms of helping friends) or even in writing posts and commentaries on this very same blog (just take a look at the size of the comments I’ve written so far. You’ll see what I mean). Often, if I feel like I’m doing ‘OK’ with my current load, I feel like I’m not doing good enough and like I need to do more. And so I overdo. I over-commit. I sleep less. I overexert myself. And I still worry it’s not enough.
And that’s where my mantra comes from. Feeling “OK” at some point is NOT an excuse for me to push myself further uncontrollably like I do. Because then, I’ll eventually stop feeling “OK”. My mantra is a reminder of that, a word of caution, an attempt to give myself the time I need, and an attempt to kill this romanticization of tiredness that is apparently ingrained in my head for some reason. It’s a bit weird and kind of specific, but it’s been helpful so far. Tomorrow (actually, today. It’s past midnight already :p ) is pre-enroll for me. In making my plans for my next years, I considered adding a minor I always wanted to do. It would make my semesters significantly tighter and fuller (and would give me a second focus, aside from the already-hard grad school one), which would, once again, end up being very bad for my health. I almost this mistake. Almost.

On Monday’s Table Talk, we were asked to express our views on stress and how we handle stress as students at Cornell. Being in the middle of prelim season, I could not have found this topic to be any more relevant to my current state of mind. The talk overall made me think deeply about how I handle stressful issues. Personally, I prefer being alone and spending time by myself to assuage feelings of uneasiness. Others, on the other hand, may prefer to socialize more with friends and seek comfort in other people.

At the end of the talk, we were asked to think of a personal “mantra” that we can always turn to when we’re stressed. For me, I chose the phrase that my family always tells me when I feel overwhelmed: “you’ll be fine”. It’s simple and short, but it works for me. My hope is that everyone else can find their own mantra to help get them through hard times.