This is the third and final chapter of my version of the farmer’s alphabet. What started out to be an educational reader about farming, for all ages, has reminded me of the many joys, challenges and frustrations that make farming such a rewarding life. It may not be rocket science, but farming is not as easy as A, B, C, either.
P and Q are covered by a period of peace and quiet, something everyone requires just to stay sane, especially farmers. Sometimes this comes behind a locked bathroom door, or in a solitary pick-up ride to town, or more than likely in a snooze in an easy chair in front of a blaring television. In fact, most farmers have the ability to snatch some R and R, where ever they are, and may be caught napping in church, during sales pitches, and whenever their wives say something important.
R is for relaxation. After all, everyone needs to relax once in a while. Farmers usually do this by taking time to scratch behind the ears of their favorite cow or dog, pulling burrs from the tail of their favorite dog or cow or scrolling through Facebook to check on their neighbors latest entries.
S is for Sane, something a farmer must stay, despite all of his efforts to adhere to laws written by people who think food comes from a refrigerated truck, a supermarket shelf or a roadside stand.
T is for tireless. An important trait necessary for farmers to meet all the planting, harvesting and paperwork deadlines expected of them. Why do they call them deadlines anyway? If you miss them you’re still alive, just wish you were dead.
U is for understanding, a state of mind one must be in when a tire blows, the power goes off during milking or when the phone rings with your alma mater asking if you would like to remember them in your will.
V is for Velcro, a fastening system that makes a noise like my pants do when I bend over. This hook and loop system is invaluable for straps to mark cows’ legs, keep jacket fronts closed and for gathering lint.
W is for whey, wet paint and work. Work is probably the most appropriate word associated with farming. The secret is to think of one’s daily efforts on the farm as exhilarating rather than debilitating.
X is for X-ray, because it is the only X word I can think of. Occasionally something happens to a cow that makes her limp on one of her four feet, and since it is extremely difficult to convince her to lie still long enough to take an x-ray or even to get her to lie down on that white table, we have no way to diagnose the cause of the problem. That is why we believe anything a cow or vet tells us.
Y is for yield, always a constant concern for farmers, whether it’s tons per acre or pounds per cow. Yield comparisons have always been a measure of how well a farm is producing, but some feel it doesn’t really matter what the yields are as long as they are noticeably better than their neighbors.
Z is for zest, that exciting quality or keen enjoyment of life that farmers get as they arise each morning not knowing what kind of catastrophe will beset them later that day.
Without much effort, this has been my version of a farmer’s alphabet. Don’t be surprised if you find it in the next children’s book you trip over in the dark.
Joe Peck, a Saratoga County dairy farmer, storyteller and humorous speaker, is author of “A Tractor in the House & Other Smashing Farm Stories” and “A Cow in the Pool & Udder Humorous Farm Stories” which you may order at www.joepeckonline.com or call (518) 584-4129.
