On the Lighter Side: A Humorous Look at Everyday Farm Life
By Joe Peck
Whenever I see a movie about a spy leading a double life, I’m sympathetic to their plight. You see, farmers lead a double life, too. Most of a farmer’s time is spent either caring for machines, crops or animals. But whenever farmers leave the farm for any reason, they suddenly lose their obvious identity as farmers and blend right in with the rest of the civilian population. That is, if they changed out of their work clothes first.
It is not uncommon for a farmer to go from feeding a new born calf one minute to tearing off to a dentist appointment the next. They know they have used enough aftershave if no one asks, “What is that smell?”
I guess modern farmers have always led a double life. When you buy bleach, six gallons at a time, to sanitize your milking system, the clerk thinks you must be a businessman with a lot of white shirts. When you buy extra long U-bolts to repair a feed bunk, the cashier figures you are a kindly senior just building a sand box for your grandchildren. And when you buy a dozen 2×6’s, the man at the lumberyard figures you must be a handyman building a picnic table, when all you want to do is to fix the board fence you backed into, before your wife finds out.
You will know you have used enough men’s cologne when that stranger next to you at the church supper innocently asks, “So what are you retired from?” This always leads to an explanation of the origin of the milk they so blithely pour on their cereal. Because so many people are a few generations removed from any connection to a farm, answering questions about modern farming is almost a common occurrence.
Just last week I struggled to move some two month old heifer calves from their cozy hutches, across an ice covered driveway to a group pen in another barn. After that I had to get cleaned up to attend a committee meeting in town. In both cases it was a matter of struggling to change some stubborn minds.
Of course, there are times when we are tempted to brag, like when we were able to save a fresh cow’s life with a judiciously administered bottle of calcium. It would just take too long to explain that I wasn’t referring to a cow sized energy drink.
Perhaps I feel I’m living a double life because I live so close to a vibrant, upscale town, crowded with out of town visitors and prosperous retirees. And it seems almost everyone is younger than I am. And, the best part is, I know I will be the envy of all those yuppies, because I can always go home to my house in the country.
Often as I drive through town though, I imagine myself sneaking around in a fancy sports car, a spy in a John Deere hat. I guess I’ll never be a spy nor conduct any clandestine operations, but I still enjoy appearing in public in my disguise as a non-farmer.
Joe Peck, a Saratoga County dairy farmer, storyteller and humorous speaker, is author of “A Tractor in the House & Other Smashing Farm Stories” and “A Cow in the Pool & Udder Humorous Farm Stories” which you may order at www.peckhaven.net or call (518) 584-4129.
