Hannia’s Reflection
In our project “Dos Vidas,” I found a sense of homesickness in my inner world. Time and time again, I convinced myself that homesickness was an afterthought and a mere byproduct of going away from Texas; however, I came to find that dismissing these emotions was unnecessary throughout the production of my three pieces. It was eye opening finally having a bit of time to doodle for this class. I cannot emphasize how showcasing this small border town of McAllen, Texas was a pillar for my future at Cornell.
Throughout this class, I discovered that being loud and proud of the place I call home was nothing to be ashamed of. I admit that I spoke of McAllen and Mission a little too much, but I believe it necessary. Many students at Cornell are unaware of these small cities. My plan through these three drawings was to embrace the pride of coming from such an unknown but essential place in the United States, a place in which immigration has been contingent with political affairs, a place where I’ve grown up and witnessed atrocities occur, and a place that I can simultaneously call home for its rich culture and history. While it was not an easy task (I am painfully aware that showcasing the beauty of a city inhabited by 80,000 people compared to the giant populations of major cities), I believe I did quite a good job in not only demonstrating my pride, but also defining what it means to be Mexican-American in Texas. I hope to have transpired a unique experience through my drawings, especially for being Norteña in the southern tip of Texas.
My homesickness still remains. I don’t think I can ever call Cornell home. It reminds me of a conversation Caro and I had outside of class, and frankly, she’s right – wherever you have your parents, that will inevitably be your safe space, a place of consolation and comfort that could never be replaced by the new wonders of the great unknowns buried beneath a city. Drawing this made me realize that it’s okay to miss the place you call home, that even as a first-generation student living alone in the big unknown, that I deserve to have emotions from a huge separation from my family. McAllen will always and forever be my home. It is a place of joy, memories, and great food that I will never find in Cornell.
In other words, this part of my identity has been salvaged by this project.
I will forever keep talking about McAllen, Texas, no matter how much my friends make fun of the little traditions Tex-Mex produced, or how many people are confused about the border towns in Texas. These three drawings made me realize that Cornell needs more of us Mexican American representation that grew up in border towns. My family and I will not back down from spreading our stories and culture. This is a testament to the families at the border. Our ancestry will not be “othered” but understood, comprehended and loved.