The Game Theory behind Asking your Crush Out
source: https://sudolife.org/2007/06/07/asking-her-out-a-game-theory-analysis/
As a middle schooler I always feared asking my crush out on a date. Maybe it was the fear of getting rejected or the humiliation from my friends and peers that came with rejection. However, I always wondered if it was anything more than that and if asking your crush out was truly always the best option. It wasn’t until learning about game theory that made me question that asking people out might be more complex than I imagined.
Let’s take the example of something similar to those middle school days. Suppose we are looking at the relation between a boy and a girl who are friends, where either individual can either 1) say you have a crush on them or 2) say they do not have a crush on the other. From the following information, we can set up a 2×2 payoff matrix illustrating the interactions between them:
| Girl saying she has a crush
(C1) |
Girl saying she does not have a crush (NC1) | |
| Boy saying he has a crush
(C1) |
Win/Win scenario which leads to a date:
(1,1) |
Boy gets rejected, yet girl is unharmed
(-1,0) |
| Boy saying he does not have a crush
(NC1) |
Girl gets rejected, yet boy is unharmed
(0,-1) |
Mutual feelings towards each other, no one is harmed
(0,0) |
If the girl says that she has a crush on the boy, then the boy’s best response would be to say that he also has a crush on her too. Similarly, If the boy says that he has a crush on the girl, then the girl’s best response would be to say that she also has a crush on him. Since these two are mutual best responses, then (C1,C2) is one pure strategy Nash Equilibrium. However, if the girl says she does not have a crush on him, then the boy’s best response would be to say he does not have a crush on her because the feeling of rejection is worse than having both of you having no feelings towards each other. Similarly, if the boy says he does not have a crush on her, then the girl’s best response would be to say she does not have a crush on him because like said earlier the feeling of rejection is worse than letting him know they are no more than friends. Since these two are mutual best responses, then (NC1,NC2) is another pure Nash Equilibrium strategy. Therefore, there is no dominant strategy in this scenario because C1 (or saying you have a crush) is not always the best response for the boy. For instance, if the girl decides to do NC2 (say she does not have a crush), then the best strategy for the boy is NC1 and not C1, so there is no dominant strategy.
From this, we can conclude that game theory is not a valid approach to understanding what one should do if debating to ask out a crush. Further, this shows us that there are so many factors that contribute to individuals’ opinions and choices. So, in the future you should most likely shoot your shot because you miss every shot you do not take.