Game Theory aspect of relationship success
In a recent article by Business Insider, Emily Smith describes some of the science behind relationships, particularly how they end poorly/well. The story begins with psychologist John Gottman, who conducted a follow-up study to previous research on the health of couples’ relationships. After studying 130 newlywed couples at a bed and breakfast set-up at the University of Washington, Gottman noted that partners would make requests for connections, which he calls “bids.” The requests for connections could be simple comments on a specific bird flying by, or a flower along the path. The comments are not just comments, but requests for a response from the spouse to create a connection or a moment of intimacy. Gottman described the spouse’s response as either “turning away” or “turning toward.” These reactions to the bid show the health of the relationship, and whether the spouse is willing to support the spouse who put out the bid.
Gottman continued the study with a six-year follow-up, and found that the couples who had divorced had only had “turning toward” interactions 33% of the time, while those who had stayed together had “turning toward” bids 87% of the time. Gottman’s findings show that there is science behind lasting relationships. In addition, his findings provoke the idea of Game Theory, which was learned in lecture. The “bid” interaction between the spouses resemble the game being played. The decision to turn toward or turn away from the bid are the different potential responses by the spouse. What is interesting about the game is that the different responses do not stay the same, and change over time. This is a result of the human interaction and the effect of the previous game’s responses. Specifically, new responses are impacted by the responses from the previous game. For example, if a spouse’s bids keep receiving constant turn-away responses, the bidder is more likely to begin not bidding/requesting connections at all, or turn away when the other spouse bids. With this, the relationship deteriorates, and there is no longer a game to play at all. This situation was seen by Gottman when marriages ended in divorce. What’s interesting about this concept is the idea that chemistry and relationships is not as much of a mystery as believed to be. Although no one can accurately predict the exact outcome of relationship, it is intriguing to be aware of one’s possible responses to a “bid”, and how that can eventually effect a relationship.