Do as you say and say as you do!

By Kerri Kreh Reda

As your child’s first teacher, you teach her many things – how to talk, feed herself, dress herself and how to use the toilet.  You make a conscious effort to teach these skills.  What you may not realize is that you also teach many other things unintentionally by the example you set for your child.

Children are born mimics; they imitate the adults they love.  Children are constantly watching and learning without parents realizing the effects they have on their children.  Usually children learn as much from your actions or inaction, as they do from your words.  They learn how to behave by seeing how their parents behave and follow that example.  If your child isn’t listening to what you are telling him, consider instead what you are showing him.

You can tell children to read books, but the most effective teaching you can do is to show them that you love books.  If your child sees you reading, she is more likely to read.  If you listen to others and communicate respectfully, so will your child.  If your child hears you thinking through problems, listing solutions and considering options, he is likely to adopt a similar approach to problem solving.  If you say “please” and “thank you” your children will learn good manners.  If you manage stress and express emotions in a healthy way, your children will learn these skills also.

What do you hope to model for your children?  Perhaps traits such as responsibility, kindness, dependability, and honesty are important to you.  Maybe issues of health such as wearing a seat belt, using sunscreen, eating well and being active are messages you want to send.  Thinking about the kind of adult you hope your child will become can help you think about the kind of role model you want to be.

It is important to remember that parents are human and therefore not perfect.  We make mistakes, lose our tempers, have bad habits and may fail to set the perfect example.  What is important is that we do our best, admit our mistakes and resolve to do better.  Being a positive role model is one of the most important and rewarding things you can do for your child.

Sources: “Parents can teach, but the most powerful teaching comes in modeling the behavior you want your children to copy.”  Ohio State University Extension “Do as I Do: Parents as Nutritional Role Models. “The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one.”  Eda LeShan 1988.  The best-kept secret about discipline. Parents, March

Kerri Kreh Reda, M.P.H., is a Human Development Specialist at Cornell Cooperative Extension in Suffolk. She can be reached at 631-727-7850 x. 330 or at kkr5@cornell.edu