By Kerri Kreh Reda, M.P.H.
It’s tough being a boy today. In past generations, male roles were clearly defined as warrior, soldier, or perhaps as sole provider for the family. As women have joined both the military and the workforce, boys’ roles and their purpose in society have become less clear. We have done a good job expanding society’s definition of femininity, but a poor job expanding our definition of masculinity. For example, men have learned to accept women in the workforce and to take pride in their wives’ and daughters’ full-time careers, but are women equally proud of their husbands and sons who are full-time, stay at home dads? Are men readily accepted as caregivers?
Another thing making it difficult being a boy is being taught to separate from one’s emotions at a very young age. By 8 years of age, many boys have learned not to cry, and that anger is the only acceptable emotion to express. Is it any wonder that our boys and young men are struggling? Boys and men account for the majority of suicides, fatal overdoses, gang involvement, and mass shooters. Additionally, boys are not doing as well as girls in elementary school through college, even in math and science where they previously excelled.
Clearly, we could be doing a better job to raise healthy boys. It is time we expand our definition of masculinity. Boys should be taught that expressing emotions does not mean that they are weak. They need to use coping skills other than violence and harmful substances, and to embrace roles other than economic provider. We need to provide good leadership and role models for boys who encourage connection and sensitivity, as well as confidence and strength. If society does not provide purpose and leadership opportunities for boys, they will look for it on the Internet, in social media, and by playing video games.
Here are some things adults can do to help boys grow into healthy young men:
- Show affection towards boys on a regular basis.
- Have family meals.
- Point out stereotypes in media and comment on good role models.
- Highlight alternatives to traditional male roles and show boys there are different ways they can follow their talents and still be valued.
- Allow boys to express a full range of emotions and let it be okay for them to cry.
- Encourage boys to be assertive but not aggressive.
For more information on raising boys:
Read:
“Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men” by Leonard Sax
“The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys are Struggling and What We Can Do about It” by Warren Farrell, PhD and John Gray, PhD
Watch: “The Mask You Live In” (You Tube)
Kerri Kreh Reda, M.P.H., is a Human Development Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program. She can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 330 or at kkr5@cornell.edu.