By Nancy Olsen-Harbich, MA
Adults tend to think of early childhood as a worry-free zone, but the growing knowledge, awareness, and experiences of preschoolers can sometimes provide fuel for anxiety. Add to that their budding capacity to imagine both pleasant and very unpleasant things, and the result can be worrisome comments such as:
“I’m not sleeping in my room. There’s a ghost in there.”
”Are you sure you won’t forget me at nursery school?”
“I’ll never be good at art. I just can’t do it.”
Anxiety Sponges
At times, preschoolers can feel overwhelmed by worry. This is especially true of children who are sensitive by nature or who are experiencing increased stresses in family or school situations. Children are like sponges for anxiety. If it is around them, they will soak it up and release it when “squeezed.”
Look at your own stress level and how that may be affecting your child. Perhaps your child overheard you worrying about money or work problems, or sees you constantly rushing around. Are you a perfectionist and hard on yourself (or others) when anything is not done just right?
What else is your child experiencing? Is there a new baby or new school? Anticipating and adjusting to new experiences, even happy ones, can be challenging.
What is your child seeing, hearing, and reading? Warnings on the news about terrorists or tornadoes, a movie with ghosts, or even a fascinating picture book about spiders can set a preschooler’s active imagination spinning.
What You Can Do
- Talk things out. Be respectful that your children’s fears/worries are very real to them, even if they seem silly or far-fetched to you. Steer the conversation carefully, resisting the urge to just say “Oh please, you’re FINE!” Being dismissive of feelings only compounds a child’s belief that no one understands. Acknowledge that we all worry or are afraid about some things.
- Provide reassurance that you are there to comfort and help your child, and that you will never forget to pick up your child at school.
- Offer facts to counteract active imaginations.
- Provide practical help. Positive experiences help confident feelings grow. If your child has anxiety about art projects, let him practice using art materials at home so that he will feel more capable being creative in school.
- Increase physical affection. Cuddle more and read together.
- Try to turn down the stress level of family life by relying on secure routines and slowing down the pace at home.
- If your child still seems very anxious, particularly if the anxiety lasts longer than one month, check with your pediatrician to make sure something more serious is not going on.
Nancy Olsen-Harbich is Program Director and a Human Development Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program. She can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 332 or at no18@cornell.edu.