Parenting can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially if boundaries are not clear. Parents need to guide their children as they grow and develop. Children need positive discipline and guidance, but also need experience in making decisions, problem solving, and learning from their mistakes. When parents overstep boundaries by being overly involved, they do their children a disservice. The goal of parenting is to eventually work ourselves out of a job, knowing that we have raised very capable children.
As we navigate the journey of parenting a young child to parenting a young adult, it can be helpful to ask “Who owns the problem?” when issues arise. If the problem directly affects you as the parent, it calls for positive discipline. If the problem belongs to your child, it might be beneficial to let your child figure out solutions. This depends on the age and maturity of the child and the nature of the problem. Obviously, there may be some problems that are too big to be left to the child, such as health, safety and morality issues. These generally require the parents’ involvement, but there are many smaller issues in which parents invest too much time and energy.
Here are some examples of the child’s problem, not the parents’ problem:
Your school age child did not do an assignment or failed an assignment
Your teen child, who you expect to do their own laundry, has no clean clothes
Your teen child is late for their summer job
Your college age child got a speeding ticket and received a $150 fine
Your young adult child who just moved out to live with friends cannot afford to pay their rent and have fun
This approach can apply to other relationships as well. For example, if your spouse has misplaced their keys again and is running late for work, this is their problem, not yours.
Not only can this be considered a parenting tool, it can also be a form of self-care and stress management. Review what is going on in your life, and if it’s someone else’s problem, let them handle it.
All Blogs are written by Professionals in the fields of Nutrition, Human Development and Diabetes.