By Tim Jahn, M.ED
Pre-teens and teens love sleepovers, and why not? Hanging out with their best friends, staying up all night, eating lots of junk food, watching lots of junk TV, playing video games, gossiping about classmates – what’s not to like? Well, if you’re the host parent who has to feed this crew, monitor their behavior, protect the carpet from spills, keep siblings away, and try to get lights out by 5 a.m., a sleepover can be nerve-racking and exhausting.
There are some potential benefits to hosting a teen sleepover. When you serve the right foods, maintain the right distance, and allow the right amount of freedom, you’ll be perceived as “pretty cool” by your teen’s friends. If you pay attention, even from a distance, you’ll get some insight into your child’s peer environment — how he relates to his friends, the pecking order of the peer group, what interests them. You may also be alerted to peers who are exerting an unhealthy influence on your teen.
Here are some other tips that can help parents avoid a sleepover hangover:
- Plan the sleepover 1-2 weeks ahead of time. Teens should not spring sleepovers on unsuspecting parents the day before or the day of the event.
- Limit the number of overnight guests to the available space in your home. Too many guests can lead to conflict over resources (video games, computer, floor space for sleeping) and personality clashes if friends don’t mix well. Uninvited or unexpected guests should be asked to leave.
- Tell guests what they need to bring (sleeping bag, pillow, toothbrush), when to arrive, and when to be picked up the next day.
- Once everyone has arrived and settled in, let them know your rules and what areas of your home are off-limits.
- Be present and visible. Be vigilant for the “sleepover sneak-out” – waiting until the adults are asleep to sneak outside and get into trouble. Refilling snack bowls is one way to check up without being intrusive.
Tim Jahn is a Human Ecology Specialist with Cornell Cooperative Extension of Suffolk County’s Family Health and Wellness Program and leads workshops for parents of pre-teens and teens. He can be reached at 631-727-7850 ext. 331 or at tcj2@cornell.edu.