My journey in motherhood has not been in solitude. I have traveled it with my children and husband and ALL of the many women who influenced me….My mom, my mother in law, sisters and sisters in law, nieces, friends, friends moms, colleagues and participants in my parenting workshops…I have picked up something from each of you. I also took parenting classes and read books, LOTS of books!

My children, made me a mom, and each one has taught me different things, My eldest had to endure everything FIRST, he was the guinea pig, I tried a lot out on him. I realized once I had my second, that wow, personality had a lot to do with it and what worked for my first did not work for my second. My middle guy also taught me to laugh and be flexible.  Then, when I had my last, she helped me relax and enjoy motherhood more. I learned to let things slide a little and not be so rigid.

I always watched mothers and tried to learn from each one of them.  I would take mental notes of patience, humor, affectionate names they used, discipline strategies, foods they made… I have learned from women who weren’t mothers, but had a special knack for engaging children. I have learned strategies from my husband on ways to finesse a burp out or soothe a child by bouncing them around. I observed the way a friend’s mom would speak so kindly to her daughter. Or, I heard someone mention some special way they recognized their child at the water cooler at work, that resonated with me… I was always like a sponge wanting to figure it out.  What I learned is…no one is perfect and no one really figures it all out.  We just do the best we can and that is more than ok.

When I teach parenting workshops, I always encourage parents to continue to be willing to learn, during each stage, during transitions, with each new child and as parenting practices change and evolve. I also have realized that even though my kids are adults, I want to continue to learn because I am still a mom, but now I am a mom of adult children and a recent son in law. Now I ask myself questions like:   How can I be a solid mother in law and have an open and honest relationship without overstepping? How do I give my adult children space, but still have a satisfactory relationship? When is questioning my adult kids too much?  Am I a bad mom for living two hours away?   I guess it never stops.

I know that I continue to be a work in progress and I know that I have not been perfect, but I have been me.

I think overall the resounding messages I have taken with me is to be respectful, to fully listen with my whole self, use humor and love! And to be willing to be imperfect and to learn from mistakes and apologize for them as well.

Thanks to all who have “created” me! Please know that you are not alone on this journey and just be willing to recognize those who influenced you as a mother.  Happy Mother’s Day!

Suzan

PS Here is a great podcast to enjoy

https://www.besproutable.com/podcasts/