When it comes to discussing relationships with young people, the conventional focus tends to revolve around what to avoid. The emphasis is often on steering clear of negative behaviors and red flags. However, what if we shifted our perspective to lean more into what we do want, highlighting the positive and nurturing aspects of relationships? It’s a bit like when we spend the whole day thinking about what not to eat—it just makes us crave those foods more. So, let’s switch gears and adopt a mindset that dreams of and moves towards what we want. This offers us an opportunity to help steer our young people towards what we want for them and what they want for themselves. It also teaches us how parents can foster healthy relationships with their children by focusing on the good, modeling positive behaviors, and inspiring a move towards fulfilling connections.

1. Dreaming of Green Flags: Instead of solely cautioning young people about red flags and warning signs, let’s help them notice the green flags. Green flags are indicators of a healthy positive connection. Encourage them to dream of what they desire in friendships and romantic relationships. By modeling these positive aspects and cultivating good relationships in our own interactions with them, we provide a more optimistic framework for understanding healthy connections.
2. The Power of Positive Reinforcement: Research has consistently shown that positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement. By shifting our focus from what to avoid to what we aspire to have, we create a mindset that moves towards positive relationship goals. Adopting a good lives model and dreaming of and moving towards what we want proves to be a more successful approach.
3. Equipping Both Genders: It’s essential to avoid a one-sided conversation about what young women should avoid or how young men shouldn’t behave. Instead, let’s provide both boys and girls with tools to regulate their emotions appropriately. Teach girls to use their voices in communicating their wants and needs, and teach young men to identify and name their emotions. Let’s teach both genders effective coping strategies for big feelings. Children with more emotional intelligence and a strong sense of self will be less likely to accept bad behavior from peers and loved ones.
4. Positive Communication with Teens and Young Adults: Open and Honest Communication: Communication is the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Encourage teens and young adults to express their thoughts openly. By validating their emotions and fostering a safe space for dialogue, trust and intimacy can thrive in their relationships.
5. Positive Modeling in Parent-Child Relationships: Lead by Example: Parents, as the primary influencers, should model the behaviors they want their children to emulate. Allow your children to express their wants and needs, and set boundaries with their family members as well. Respecting boundaries when they are young can help them understand that boundaries are ok, and safe, and should be respected when they are older. Demonstrate effective communication, empathy, and respect in interactions to provide a powerful blueprint for healthy relationships.
6. Celebrating Positive Moments: Highlight Positive Interactions: Celebrate positive moments within the family, emphasizing teamwork, cooperation, and support. Reinforce the idea that healthy connections are built on shared joys, mutual understanding, and a supportive environment.
7. Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution: Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Conflict is natural, and using family conflicts as opportunities to teach problem-solving skills can equip children with essential tools for their own relationships. Demonstrate effective communication and compromise strategies.
8. Encouraging Empathy and Love: Express and Demonstrate Love: Regularly express love through words and positive affirmations. When children feel loved and secure, they are more likely to seek out and cultivate positive relationships in other aspects of their lives.

By adopting a positive approach in parent-child communication, we can actively contribute to the development of emotionally intelligent individuals capable of forming meaningful and fulfilling connections. Focusing on what we want, modeling positive behaviors, and nurturing an environment that promotes healthy relationships will empower young people to move towards the kind of connections they desire.

Your family matters,

Caitlin