Family comes in many shapes and sizes, yet each type of family holds immense value. Kinship caregivers—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or even close family friends who step up to raise a child when biological parents cannot—offer stability and love in times of need. Though these families may not fit the traditional mold, their impact is profound. What truly defines a family is not its structure, but the strength of the relationships within it.

Harvard’s research on childhood trauma and resilience supports this idea. When children face adversity, such as the loss of a parent or family upheaval, the presence of a stable, supportive adult becomes crucial. A report from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, chaired by Harvard’s Jack Shonkoff, highlights the power of one committed relationship in helping a child overcome challenges. Whether that adult is a parent, grandparent, or other caregiver, their consistent support provides a lifeline for children navigating hardship.

Shonkoff’s research emphasizes that resilience—the ability to adapt and thrive despite adversity—depends on more than just overcoming external obstacles. It requires “supportive, responsive relationships” and the development of certain capabilities that help children face stress in healthy ways. This is where kinship caregivers truly shine. Often, they are the unsung heroes who step in to offer a child not just a home, but a haven of love, security, and understanding.

In kinship families, children learn that family is not about titles or roles but about connection. A grandmother raising her grandchildren may not have expected to step into the role of a parent again, but her nurturing presence can offer the stability those children need to flourish. An uncle who becomes a father figure, or an older sibling who takes on a caregiving role, teaches resilience through their unwavering commitment. These relationships, grounded in love and care, turn “toxic stress into tolerable stress,” as Shonkoff describes.

But the beauty of kinship caregiving is not just in what the caregivers offer to the children—it’s also in what the children give back. Children bring a profound sense of joy, purpose, and vitality to the lives of their caregivers. For a grandparent who may have thought their days of raising young children were behind them, the laughter, energy, and love that come with caring for a child can spark a new sense of life. The deep bond formed between the child and their caregiver often offers mutual healing, as the children provide a renewed sense of purpose and love in return.

Many kinship caregivers speak of how the children in their care have filled their lives with meaning. They find joy in watching them grow, delight in their accomplishments, and experience an outpouring of love that rejuvenates their own spirits. A child’s curiosity, laughter, and boundless energy bring light into their caregivers’ lives, giving them a fresh perspective and a deep connection to life’s joys. In many ways, the children offer a new lease on life, turning what might have seemed like an overwhelming challenge into an opportunity for shared growth, love, and happiness.

For policymakers, understanding the science of resilience and the importance of stable relationships is key. Programs designed to support children in kinship care must recognize that these caregivers provide an essential service. They not only give children a place to live but also create the conditions for emotional healing and growth. Supporting these families—whether through financial assistance, access to resources, or emotional support—is crucial in fostering the resilience that helps children thrive.

In the end, the form a family takes is far less important than the love it offers. Kinship caregivers, regardless of how different their family structure may seem, are vital to the health and happiness of the children in their care. Their role in fostering resilience shows that family diversity is not just to be accepted but celebrated. Family, after all, is defined by the bonds that endure, the love that grows, and the joy that both children and caregivers offer each other, enriching each other’s lives in ways that are deeply transformative.

Your Family Matters,

Caitlin

If you are a relative caregiver and want to learn more, please reach out to Caitlin at cmo223@cornell.edu