IT’S SCIENCE, STUPID
Lately my eyes have been peeled for flyers offering free food or drinks to medical students—but rather than discovering another surgical keg party, I came upon an invitation to participate in a medical study conducted by researchers at Cornell University. Instead of free booze, the flyers in our elevator offered volunteers cold, hard cash. If the study caused any emotional or physical harm, I figured I could use the money to buy booze. Otherwise, I would treat myself to some good food on the town. It was a win-win situation.
I emailed the coordinator yesterday and answered a few questions over the phone about my relatively uneventful health history. I qualified for two separate studies and scheduled the appointments for earlier today. The studies were expected to take about three hours and I would be paid a total of $75.
I have never been paid so well for a small sample of saliva and a cup of urine—in fact I have never been paid at all for those things. Aside from these samples (for genetic and drug testing), I completed a series of cognitive tests, computer games, and questionnaires. The computer games were the hardest for me, seeing as my gaming skills never developed much beyond Tetris. They required the player to recognize an expression, shape, or color and press the associated key on the keyboard. I would have done alright if not for a strange digital dyslexia that has not affected my hands since piano lessons as a child. Luckily, no one but the researchers will ever see my results.
In a couple weeks, I plan to return for a follow up session with one of the psychiatric researchers. It involves an MRI test and a curious social experiment to see if I can make friends with other participants by writing “notes” to them. This time, they are offering cash AND a free picture of my brain. I can’t wait.