April
2008
Somebody, slow down the clock0
Charlotte: Don’t listen to her Carrie, it’s only been a month. It takes half of the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
-Sex and the City
I’m in Mann library, working away on a final project for my art history class. For no particular reason, I just got hit with a huge freak-out-I’m-graduating-moment (maybe because I’ve been listening to Coldplay? They always make me feel sappy and nostalgic . . .) Like literally, I almost just started bawling next to the circulation desk.
Before you write me off as a freak, consider the situation I’m in along with over 3,000 of my other classmates – we’ve been hanging out in the same places with the same people for the last three and a half years. We’ve all had our ups and downs, but for the majority of us, Cornell has offered an incredible college experience. Many of us have our plans ironed out for life post May 2008, and those of us who don’t will undoubtedly have settled on something fabulous in the near future (note to economy – stop stinking).
Although many of my friends are excited to graduate, I think we’re all nervous and sad too. I’ve never been very good with goodbyes because I have trouble dealing with the fact something could be gone forever. I guess I prefer to admit things will be different – which isn’t necessarily bad – instead of donezo forever. And in my short 21 years, I’ve found life usually has this funny way of throwing your past back at you in the most random of ways.
So I finally faced up to the math and the calender. I have five weeks (and one day – crucial) left here. I feel pulled between projects, parties, papers and people who I may not see again for a very long time. Kinda scary, but I guess it’s just how this all works.
I guess my Mann libe moment is an indication of how the reality of graduation hits people at weird times. For example, a few weeks ago I had a completely illogical Niagara Falls moment walking down the Slope right after sunset. Despite that I curse the Slope on mornings when I get all sweaty and nasty practically running up it to be ontime, it suddenly had the audacity to spur a nonstop sob session. I quickly decided I was being hilariously emo and started laughing at myself (ok, now I just sound crazy but you get the picture).
Yet, the reality of the moment struck me – I’m going to miss Cornell. And yes Cornell, because we are going to have to be in a long distance relationship, you will not probably, but most definitely make me cry.
Ok, back to Thomas Nast. And don’t worry, I put on some Nelly so I’m shaking instead of sobbing in my seat – at least for now!