There are ants EVERYWHERE in my room! I noticed them around my honey jar first, which made me shriek with rage. So I put my honey jar in my food bin under my bed but GUESS WHAT?! The little pests crawled into my food bin! And now one is making its leisurely way down my desk lamp. Little does it know that I’m going to buy ant traps tomorrow, and then it shall meet its DOOM!
I suppose it shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, today is the warmest day of the semester thus far. I think I should be happier about that…this past winter has been the most brutal one out of the four I have experienced while in college. I should be happy about the warm weather, the end of classes, and the opportunity to frolic with friends. And I am. Sort of.
I’m trying to live in the m0ment, to forget about the fact that in two weeks, all my stuff will be moved out from the House of Babes and I will be starting a new job in New Jersey. Which is all very exciting. But it is also very sad. I’ve definitely had some hard times in college, but I’ve also had some incredibly happy times, and if I were to use one word to describe my time here, it would be “contentment.” I spent so much of my high school years wondering whether I would ever find my place in the world, whether I could really make it as a writer, as a musician, as a person. I think I can now, thanks to the wonderful friends I’ve made here. I feel completely prepared and utterly terrified of the future at the same time. I feel less sad and worried when I’m with friends, but then I also feel that I need time to myself, to process everything that’s happening around me. I’m really looking forward to my new job, but I’m uncertain about what my life will look like outside the academic setting. Will I have more free time to read and write? Will I have less free time? Will I like my roommates, or will I want to get my own place as soon as I can afford it? I am grateful that at least I have a secure job and an incredibly supportive family at the end of the line. But I’m very good at brooding and worrying.
In fact, I’ve spent so much time brooding and worrying, that I’ve completely neglected my lovely readers! Unacceptable, I say. Also, the easiest way for me to feel better when I’m down is to focus my time and energy on other people. So, I propose to make all these missed blog posts up to you during the next few weeks! I don’t have any finals anyways (yes, you read that right! I’m not trying to make you jealous, promise. I’m just saying it like it is.)
Please don’t think I’m trying lure you into trusting me again. You have every reason to be resentful. But I have excellent excuses! Here is what I’ve been doing for the past three months:
- I finished my thesis!
- I wrote over 100 pages for my creative writing class
- I finally read a short story in Arabic
- I became a better feminist
- I realized how damaging patriarchy is, and vow to do everything in my power to smash it
- I realized that I don’t really know where I stand politically, and I realized that that is OK
- I participated in an incredibly heated divestment campaign that was both emotionally draining and exhilarating at the same time
- I performed in front of people without my knees buckling underneath me
- I saw a show that featured complete nudity and lots of sex, drugs and dub-step
And this is just a sample of my last semester! So, here’s my plan: I will post once a day, every day, until after graduation (which is on the 23rd). I will cover all of the above topics in some form or another, as well as posts about other things I’ve discovered along the way. If there’s anything you want to read about, please post in the comments and let me know! In the meantime, have a picture of a springtime kitten.