I may have abandoned my dreams of becoming an anthropology major several semesters ago, but I still know a little something about the origins of mythology. From what I’ve read, it seems that many cultures’ first myths served to explain mysteries such as creation, death, space, and the weather.

Here’s a special Keelyian origin tale for you, then. Floating high up in the Ithaca skies is a chimera of a weather-god: a beast with the wings of a gryphon, the body of an overweight serpent, and the decision-making skills of an inebriated frat boy. This critter is responsible for all the precipitation in Tompkins County, but he’s just not that great at it. Take today, for instance. After last week’s high 80s party times, I woke up to a courtyard filled with several inches of snow. It’s April, Ithaca. What’s your problem?

Unfortunately, that’s not the only type of cold with which I’ve had to deal recently. It’s good to have gallons of tea and soup during such nasty weather, but so far, it seems the most effective medicine for my little sickness is something almost as chilly as the weather outside.

Over the summer, I was lucky enough to inherit a mixing contraption called “The BlendMaster (Junior).” Admittedly, this 90s stick blender got some laughs from my friends, but I’m happy to say that Junior has now officially proved his worth in the realm of dorm-room cuisine!

I started with the raw materials: frozen mangoes, raspberries, and strawberries, layered on top of plain Chobani yogurt. (Fun fact: all trendy college students these days are obsessed with Chobani’s Greek yogurt. It’s sold all over campus! I used to be a member of the Chobani cult, too (gotta love that lemon flavor) until I realized how many grams of sugar are in a single serving. If you eat yogurt on a regular basis, I recommend trying plain with different fun mix-ins instead. Alternatively, Target’s new grocery section now sells skyr, a special Icelandic yogurt that’s literally nothing more than yogurt and fruit. It’s a bit pricey, but worth it.)

The BlendMaster sputtered for a few minutes, and I wondered if I wouldn’t have anything better than a parfait…and then the parfait turned into sorbet…and, finally, perfection!

My days of complaining about Ithaca’s weird lack of smoothie places (is this really just a Hawai’i thing?) are over. You won’t find me paying seven bucks for one of CTB’s pitiful concoctions either–in fact, maybe I can make some quick cash by opening up an underground smoothie business…