But to get to the meat of things…

Today was commencement.

People have been asking me how I feel, and in reality, everyone, no matter what kind of Cornell experience, feels a mixture of many different emotions. Last night, I shared my last pitcher of sangria out on the patio of Collegetown Bagels with a few friends. We laughed and joked, fencing delicately around the subject of the impending graduation, and the fact that we will be in very different places in just a week.

I think that is what I will miss the most. Cornell is beautiful, and I will certainly miss the plantation trails that I’ve run this past year, the orchards where I sipped apple cider, the slope where I would find myself lost in thought, Sage Chapel where I would sit after difficult moments in my life to play piano or find inner peace, Olin Cafe where I spent the majority of my time doing work, MVR – my homebase, Savage Hall where I spent countless hours working on my thesis, and collegetown where I spent my time hanging out with those that meant most to me. But, what I will miss the most is the people, the fact that I could call Chloe at 1AM for pastina or Phillip at any time of day for a snack or Sara late at night to take a walk or Cameron for a midnight pitcher or Joe to accompany me on a night visit to Sage to accompany me on the piano, the proximity of close friends was what made college so special.

A few hours before the sangria, I found myself sitting in Bailey Hall listening to my last Chorus and Glee Club concert (props to Olivia, who has the most beautiful voice and one of my closest friends). As they finished off with the Alma Mater shoulder to shoulder, a song that I would repeat at least five times that weekend, I found myself tearing up, once again, feeling a vast mixture of emotions, from joy to sadness to sorrow to joy. There is a Korean saying that says that still water rots, meaning that our lives must flow on in order to stay clean and grow. However, sometimes, I wish someone could install a fountain in my still water, so that I could repeat some of those best moments in my life.

I guess the future holds many different things for me, or at least that’s what people all around me have been telling me. And I am certainly excited. But as I hugged my friends one last time throughout this beautiful, blue-skied graduation Sunday, I’ve realized that whatever great things may come in the future, I could not do it without the support of human love and connection. I’ve come a far way from my sophomore year of anti-social attitude and cynicism about friendships. All connections are meaningful, as long as you yourself are mature enough to be open and malleable.

Thank you to those that have offered to me those connections: my professors, especially, Professor Lovenheim and Professor Haas for your constant support, to my mentors Tracey Hsu and Alex Payne among many others, to my close friends, to my family, and to Cornell University. Our relationships will change, but the memories that we’ve shared will remain the same.

I’m (kind of) ready, world.

But now that the papers were handed in at 1:17PM today, I almost wish they hadn’t been. I’ve yet to post up a status on Facebook or tweet that my undergraduate career is over because for some reason, doing so seems to confirm that it is true. (Plus I think it’s kind of annoying when every single person does it hahaha). A few minutes ago, I leisurely walked through Olin Library, through Libe Café, where I’ve spent a majority of my senior year, working on my thesis, having meetings,  or chilling with friends, through the first floor desks, specifically the one on the right side closest to the doors, where I spent my times cranking out papers or emails, and through the stacks, where I spent my underclassmen years stressing out about how I was going to get through this prelim or this final or this paper.

After having handed in my paper at 1:17PM, I stopped by my advisor’s office to say hi. I told him that I just handed in my final paper and that I was off to the library to do some reading up on HIV for my job next year and to continue working on some research materials. He told me to stop and have some fun.

And so, I’ve partially listened to his demand; I’m sitting outside Olin Library, people watching, making myself feel slightly more useful by writing this blog entry. I’ve been keeping myself on the go with the purpose of not having to really stop and think about what it means to be done. Because really, what is it? Happiness? Excitement? Fear? Sadness? Or perhaps, a mixture of them all.

In fact, Cornell has had such a large impact on my life that I don’t think I will ever be done leaving this institution. I want to stay involved as an alumnus; I want to interact with students who are going through what I did these past four years.

But still, it is true that the undergraduate chapter of my life is coming to a close, and I am opening up a new chapter. As difficult as it is to leave things behind, time doesn’t stop for you, you just make the most out of what you have. And… appreciate the exciting things that are to come.

But, for now, I think I’ll just sit here for a while more, and appreciate whatever this is right now.

The conference was really amazing, listening in on groundbreaking nutrition research made me want to be a part of all the exciting things that were happening. The conference center was HUGE, and basically I saw all of my nutrition professors at some point in time. But, the reason I am writing this blog entry is because I wanted to recognize Dr. Haas, a professor that has truly molded me in so many different ways.

I first met Dr. Haas halfway through junior year when I was trying to figure out an honors thesis topic. I knew that I wanted to do it in global health, but data on measures of global health are very difficult to find (not to mention extremely broad, and I wasn’t sure how to narrow down what aspect of global health I was actually interested in). I met with many different professors, all of whom gave me good advice, but nothing tangible to work with. However, they all seemed to think I should talk to Dr. Haas, so I decided to shoot him an email.

He responded literally right away, inviting me to come speak with him. I showed up at his door and gave him the same talk I gave the previous professors I had talked to, expecting not to get anything at all. But Dr. Haas was different. He, right there, offered to let me use his data set of which he had just finished collecting data from a tea estate in India of an iron intervention trial. He never even questioned my GPA and did not look at my transcript. He just trusted my passion for wanting to learn more.

This was my entry into the world of international nutrition, and through working with him on my thesis, it has become an area of research that I want to pursue in the future. Dr. Haas met with me once (sometimes twice) a week throughout all of senior year, giving me as much of his time and energy as he would a PhD student. This always amazed me, that the Director of the Human Biology Program, former Director of the Nutrition program, and a professor with an endowed professorship, would be willing to give me, a senior without much to show, so much. But that is Dr. Haas, a strong mentor, who, through his belief in his students, drives them to work even harder. I can tell you that many times, when this thesis was so difficult to do, thinking of Dr. Haas’s support for me was what got me going. It is rare to find such a professor, anywhere. He even drove me to Albany two weeks ago to be there for me as I received an award, three hours there and three hours back, taking up basically a whole day’s worth of work, and undertaking this task only a few days after returning from an exhausting trip to India.

So, at Experimental Biology, when Dr. Haas received the Kellogg Prize, you could imagine how proud I was. It’s odd to say that, since Dr. Haas is my mentor, but that is truly what I felt, so much so that I was tearing up.

The Kellogg Prize is a crowning achievement in the International Nutrition Community. One person is chosen to receive it each year, and this year, it was Dr. Haas. When he was introduced, the Chair of the International Nutrition Council asked the audience who had studied under Dr. Haas as a PhD, Master’s, or undergraduate, and over a quarter of the room raised their hands. Dr. Haas has obviously impacted a great many people, and it is not just research that he was honored for that night. He was recognized for his dedication to forming the next generation of researchers, all who have benefited from Dr. Haas’s love and care.

As I near graduation and think about my future, I can already see Dr. Haas’s role. I have fallen in love with the applicability of international nutrition research, and it is an area that I will, for certain, pursue. And I am just, so grateful, so thankful, of having had exposure to such an extraordinary person and professor. There are no words to describe how special Dr. Haas has become to me, and it is my hope that all undergraduates will be able to experience someone like that during their time here, far above Cayuga’s waters.

However, at the awards ceremony in Albany, Cornell failed to send a representative to represent both the schools of ILR and Human Ecology. Almost all of the SUNY schools were present, and each of the universities had brought their Presidents or Vice Presidents or Deans. But Cornell sent one professor from CALS, who happened to be going already because her student had received the SUNY Chancellor’s Award and wanted to be there for her student at such a proud moment in her life.

It feels odd for me to criticize Cornell at a time where I am a graduating senior, and I know that I am absolutely in love with this university. Don’t get me wrong, I would not trade my education or experience here for anywhere else, and I sometimes can’t hide how much I care about Cornell. However, this care also makes me want to see Cornell improve, as a university that shows its care and respect for its students’ achievements, not just when it seems best for them. Sending a representative to the awards ceremony, even if it were a Cornell alumnus in the Albany area, would in itself have been enough for the students. However, the fact that the Human Ecology and ILR students receiving the award stood in line, realizing that no one had come to represent them, was, I think, a disappointing experience.

I understand that this must stem from a longstanding struggle between the SUNY system at Cornell. There has always been tensions surrounding the amount of funding that Cornell should receive based on its performance. However, to recognize its students, Cornell should have stepped above that, to ensure that its students received the honor they deserved.

So, I just wanted to take a moment to honor those SUNY Chancellor’s Award recipients, like Melanie, Janet, Claudia, Elizabeth. You guys truly represent what Cornell means and the potential of Cornell students to make an impact in the real world. Congratulations.

It was nice traveling with them, and for me, seeing Sung Ho after about a year of not seeing him was really great. I wouldn’t say museums are my favorite place, but wow, some of the things in London and Paris, especially the British National Museum and the Louvre, were mind-blowingly beautiful and held ancient murals, sculptures, artifacts that I had read about in textbooks.

But if I were to narrow down my favorite place throughout the whole trip, it would be Notre Dame, the cathedral at the heart of Paris.

During the trip, Sung Ho, Phillip, Susie, and I were sipping a few beers, chasing it down with London’s famous fish and chips. We talked about a great many different topics ranging from fake accents to future careers.

Among the discussions was, as it commonly is, religion. Susie, studying abroad in Denmark, told us about the Danish Church, where, people automatically give a portion of their income to the church (although they may opt out if they wished to do so). She then asked me about my opinion on the diminishing and decreasing role of religion, specially Roman Catholicism, internationally. In my half-tipsy state, I answered that it was perhaps both good and bad. Good because excess religious fanaticism has led to the suffering of many and perhaps as a results, a few more liberal ideals will find their respective places in the Catholic Church. Bad because, I literally said, “you know why…”

But, sitting in front of Notre Dame Cathedral as I wrote this reflection, I came to realize that I didn’t really understand why. These past few months, I have felt a bit farther from my religion. Part of it has to do with my failure to keep up with important traditions due to work and school, but the more major issue has been my inability to reconcile my liberal viewpoints with those of the Catholic Church.

And so, with the few beers, my actual feelings were revealed. I didn’t necessarily feel badly about even my dwindling spiritual involvement with the Catholic Church. The only difficult part was when I went home, where my parents’ joy equaled my level of “religious-ness.”

We had visited Notre Dame on Monday, but on Tuesday, I had something pulling at me to go back. I assumed it was my Catholic guilt pulling at me for having missed mass on Sunday, so I told my friends that I wanted to go take confession at the Cathedral and I would be back by 8:30PM.

The truth was, I had no idea if there was mass, only that the Cathedral was to close to tourists at 6PM. It was 5:45 when I got to there, and I went straight to the confessional. To my surprise, there was no queue. I went in, said my confession, at which point the Father notified me that there was to be mass in the Cathedral at 6:15PM. The Cathedral is large, plus I have no French, so I went full circle around ND before arriving back at the confessional where there were 6 people waiting. Coincidence that somehow I had made it at the knick of time? I eventually found the small chapel (also in the knick of time with aid from a kindly old man) and had one of the most refreshing and reflective masses I’ve had in a while, despite understanding very little of it (it was in French).

Just enough “coincidences” happened today that something clicked inside of me. The diminishing role of religion in my life had made me a little bit more selfish, less empathetic person. This was exactly what is bad about the diminishing role of religion universally. The media and politics overwhelmingly present the church hating on gay people or fighting against reproductive rights. But they never show the Church’s role in the past millennia and now in alms giving, fighting for a living wage, helping the poor in developing countries, and working towards justice for all. With fewer religious people, and fewer people entering religious life, who will be the next Dong Ha Rhee philanthropist or the next Father John Lee of Sudan? Or even, who will give the few dollars to the homeless on the streets of NYC?

The thing is, one does not need to be religious to do any of these things, but religion has and will always be, in my opinion, THE driving force of reflecting on our respective places in the world, and giving ourselves for the benefit of others. Just looking at my friends, those that are truly religious (not the ones that claim to be, and then do not show it through their actions) whether Catholic or Muslim, tend to be wiser, more understanding, as it teaches us of the important things in life, and that there is a much greater being we should all aspire to.

There are so many different cultures on this plaza at Notre Dame, and religion ties all of them together. Religion will always have its place in the world and it’s our jobs to keep it not just alive but LIVING.

“Hi, are you a senior?”

“Yes”

“Would you consider giving to the Senior Class Campaign to help generations of Cornellians after you have a positive experience at Cornell?” Smily face.

“No, and I will never, ever give to you.”

I have been asking people for money basically my whole college career because I have been involved with global health on campus and that is what you do with global health: you raise money around issues. However, when you are raising money for malnutrition or a natural disaster, people may say no, but they are not obnoxious about it, for obvious reasons. But when it comes to Senior Class Campaign, it seems as though people all of a sudden forget that the senior asking you to give a gift, is also a senior, who probably has debt, and will probably accrue a lot more by going to law school for the next three years, and is thinking about that paper he didn’t finish but is due later tonight. Still, this senior has found a reason to give back, and so, perhaps, just maybe, there is a reason he feels passionately about the Senior Class Campaign?

In fact, tuition covers only 60% of the costs of education. The rest of the money is covered through gifts. The Senior Class Campaign helps raise funds for financial aid for students, innovative projects (including helping fund proposals and planning for the tech campus bid), as well as maintaining the libraries, plantations, things we all use and take for granted.

I’m not going to paint a rosy picture. In fact, my experiences at Cornell have been difficult, particularly in my first two years of school. However, I still realize how much I’ve grown through the various experiences and how much I have enjoyed even this past year. In fact, I have had mentors that have helped me along the way. Cornell is not just made up of the buildings or lawns. Rather, Cornell is defined by the people, the mentors that helped me through difficult times, the professors that guide me, the grants that have helped me do research or plan student programming. All of these things make Cornell, and personally, that is what I am giving to. I am giving on behalf of those that made my experience here special whether the experiences were difficult or easy. And I am giving because I feel I owe that guidance to the next generation of Cornellians, so that they may have resources, and maybe, just maybe, have an even greater experience than I have had.

Not all of us are Chuck Feeneys or Marcia Mortons. In fact, the Senior Class Campaign doesn’t expect you to be. The campaign understands financial difficulties and gives an option to give back with your time and talent as well through philanthropy projects planned throughout the semester. Plus, even a $5 gift is a meaningful one, if given knowingly that you are giving for the sake of giving, for the sake of improving the lives of future Cornellians.

Perhaps if we all stopped being offended on the spot as we hear the words Senior Class Campaign, we would understand that, at the essence of it, what the Senior Class Campaign is simply doing is encouraging seniors to understand the concept of philanthropy, recognizing that Cornell has indeed given us many different things, and reminding us to be thankful for our experiences – whether they be positive or negative – that have helped us grow in different ways.

I’m going to be in a lot of debt for the next many years due to medical school, but I still want to participate in the growth of my university through time, talent, and treasure. Perhaps it’s because I’m a second semester senior, but I’m really going to miss the memories that I’ve had at this place. I want future students to feel the same way.

Eric’s story is a story of hardships. His family came to the USA when he was 12 years old, where they entered a business contract which ended in the other end stealing all of the money from his parents and running away. Eric has taken off many semesters to work for his tuition (he needs to pay in full since he is undocumented so gets no loans or aid) and works hard during the semester as a waiter in order to keep up with his finances. He entered this semester having made up $10,000 already, but just needs the other $10,000 in order to stay a student. (Help him out by giving at cornelldreaming.com!)

The story is a heartbreaking one. I personally have a few undocumented Korean friends back at home, who consider themselves American, having grown up here almost all their lives, just not having a passport. What constitutes being American is a very contentious issue at the national level currently with immigration reform progressing at different levels in different states, some becoming more conservative, others more liberal. However, the scare that Latin American and Mexican immigrants are taking jobs from the American people, seems oddly reminiscent of the Chinese scare in the 1900s that led to a quota and ban on Asians immigrating to America because they were also seemingly taking jobs away from Americans (seems racist and arbitrary to me).

In reality, many of these undocumented students have grown up here for the majority of their lives and are, in all sense of the word, American. They have friends here, they have pride in living here, they want to see the US economy grow, they want to have their kids grow up here. In fact, I know some of my undocumented friends would be even more willing to serve in the US army than many of my “American” friends. Then, in that case, what constitutes being American?

In fact, many Americans take for granted the fact that they are Americans. I have so many friends that have tried for many, many years to get permanent residency status and eventual citizenship, but after 9/11, immigration policies have become much more strict and gaining citizenship is an arduous, painstaking, extremely long process. One friend in particular comes to mind, who had to go back to serve in the Korean Army because he could not gain citizenship status, even though he is more fluent in English than Korean, he lived here his ENTIRE life (was only born in Korea because he happened to have been born while his mom was revisiting Korea from California). In that case, is he any less American than you or me?

Before wrapping up, I just wanted to acknowledge that group of students on campus, that have spent a lot of time to help Eric out. They have had multiple meetings this past week and have been sending out massive amounts of emails in addition to meeting with professors and student organizations to raise awareness and ask for help. It’s really touching and inspirational that they have already done so much for Eric (last time I checked, he was 64% towards his goal, all of which happened in just a couple of days!). This, I think, is a way that students can really change a fellow peer’s life. The things that students are able to achieve and do for one another, is what makes Cornell.

The compromise, I think, is a step in the right direction. I think it is completely wrong of government to say that it is for the separation of church and state and then compromise just that by forcing religious institutions to mold to government mandated policies. Religious liberties is what this country is built on, and I think we should not compromise that.

The conference of bishops, however, of the Roman Catholic Church was not satisfied with the compromise. And this is where I wanted to shed some light on the issue because, although I think Obama’s compromise was a good one, and I think he did a good thing despite calls not to by the Secretary of HHS, there are certain things that were not highlighted that should have been.

The regulations were written in a way that, many religious institutions will not be considered “religious enough” and still be mandated to follow the law, going against religious beliefs. Those religious institutions that service a large portion of non-Catholics, for example, the Catholic community at Cornell, and even organizations like Catholic Charities, which provides many services throughout greater Ithaca, would not be considered religious enough, just for the sake of not discriminating service to those in need.

I think that this is unfair, and that it is insincere of politicians to completely oversee this aspect of the regulations in press releases and media. This makes it seem to others as though, oh look, the Catholics are at uproar, being too conservative, about some stupid liberal policy, when that is not in fact the case. The new regulations very much compromises many of the teachings and beliefs of the Catholic Church, and there is the possibility of religious organizations having to drop health insurance as a whole to maintain their beliefs.

The US government passes things like the right to choice for abortion and many states are starting to pass the right to gay marriage because they declare the separation of church and state. Don’t get me wrong, I am in complete support of the separation of church and state and the role each should play in their respective realms. For example, I think gay marriage is a good thing because church beliefs should not play into marriage licensure at the state level, as long as the government doesn’t force religious institutions that do not believe in gay marriage to hold ceremonies for them.  However, when government politics, antithetically, force religious institutions to go against their faith structures, isn’t that going against what our forefathers wanted as true separation of church and state and the upholding of religious freedoms?

STILL, I also agree that perhaps these aren’t the main issues that we should be concentrating on at this moment when there are so many people suffering from poverty or just simple inability of access healthcare, especially when a majority of Catholic women are using contraceptives already anyways. Although I think that the compromise was not strong enough, I also believe that religion should start going back to its roots, drawing support around issues that actually matter. The Catholic Church in the old days was THE voice for the poor and social injustices. Perhaps there are different more important things we could be rallying for.

Still, the prospect of spending the weekend with some of my closest friends and the 2012 Senior Class Campaign Committee as a bonding experience was enough to get me out of bed at 6AM on Friday to begin my trek to North Campus and onto the seven hour bus drive down to our country’s capital.

The sessions ended up being surprisingly good. There was a panel that the included Sheryl WuDunn (first Asian American to win the Pultizer Prize and one of my idols for her work in educating the public on international development issues) and other big players in the field of journalism talk about ethics, politics, and the future of education. There was a session to better understand how the university works financially and the importance of giving to Cornell so that the university can maintain its stance as one of the best universities internationally. Risa Mish, Cornell graduate and Senior Lecturer of the Johnson School of Business, gave a workshop on resilience, which was very well received. All in all, I learned a lot and the prospect of becoming an alumnus was suddenly not as daunting but, I guess I can even say… exciting.

What was most infectious throughout the weekend, though, was the love and passion of the alumni that I interacted with (and consistently Human Ecology alumni had the strongest presence, which made me proud to be a HumEc). I went to a small dinner hosted by the Human Ecology Alumni Association, and I got to sit across from the Senior Policy Advisor to Senator Boxer on Environmental Health Issues. He works a crazy number of hours a day, but he still managed to work as former President of the Alumni Association as well as on two search committees for former Human Ecology Deans. It just proved that, not having enough time to work as an alumnus for my university, was completely invalid.

I met so many others that were still so involved, and the climax was definitely President Skorton’s speech, where the air in the room was alive with Big Red Spirit over the subject of the tech campus. As a student, it’s hard to interact a lot with alumni, but those that stay involved, man, do they LOVE Cornell! It made me that much prouder to be a Cornellian and that much more excited that my contributions to Cornell through my current organizations and involvements on campus would not just suddenly end with graduation. There are still so many ways to stay involved, albeit different, and ways to play a role in the development of the university that gave so much to me. I want to play that role in the future of the alumnus that helped make Cornell the institution it will become. I know I can’t be a Chuck Feeney, but hey, we can all try to emulate his selfless spirit and love for the university.

Cornell is not an easy school and everyone knows that, but in a way, the difficulties that people went through at Cornell seemed to create an even stronger bond among the alumni. There is a feeling of “We went through it together and survived. Oh, you’re a Cornell student? We know your experiences, come join us, you are one of us.”

Hopefully, this year, through Senior Class Campaign, I can bring this amazing experience that I had with alumni back to campus so that seniors can all share the excitement of our next transition in life. Senior year second semester, here I come.

Normally, I would be taking the earliest bus out, right at the end of my last final, or at least by  early the next morning. But as a first semester senior, especially with some close friends graduating this winter, the thought of leaving Cornell somewhat soon is putting me in a nostalgic state. Somehow, Cornell seems to know just that, and has responded by making this semester beautiful. We’ve had tons of sunshine and colorful days and the temperature has not dropped to it’s normal -50 degrees. I’ve never seen Cornell more beautiful than she is now.

Two days ago, I went on a jog in morning with a friend graduating this Saturday. He will start working at Stroud Consulting in February in Boston, so he’s got everything set. We ran throughout campus since this would be his last jog through Cornell. Normally, I’d have  a lot to talk to him about, things that happened this past week, things that have been bothering me, but this jog was much more quiet, reflective. We jogged up towards North, went around Beebe Lake, cut through the Ag Quad, ran through the Arts Quad, then strolled back to Collegetown. I asked him how he felt about graduating in just a few days. He said it hadn’t hit him yet.

This morning, I cooked breakfast for a friend who will be studying abroad next semester. That means that it will be a while before I see her again, since I will be graduating at the end of next semester. Once again, we could have had deep conversations about our semester, about our future, about our lives, seeing as how it would only be moments before she would leave my life, physically, for a long period of time. Instead, we sat and joked while watching youtube videos. As she left, she said the same thing. She can’t really understand yet that she won’t be seeing me for a while.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that at the end of the semester, we are all so wrapped up with finals, papers, and stress, that when the last day comes, it hits us by surprise. Then, it passes by so quickly, that other than a slight pang, we move on with our lives.

In our increasingly globalized world, where with a click of a button, we can be connected through Skype or cellphone to someone else, in some far part of the world, the end doesn’t really seem like the end. In a way, it’s true. I can keep in touch with any of my former friends if I made that effort. In a way, globalization has made the movement of relationship to relationship, friend group to friend group, much smoother. But is that necessarily better?

For me, these few extra days staying at Cornell, without having ANYTHING to do, I think, has done me a lot of good. I’ve been able to spend that little extra time with people I care about and finish up some extra work that I know I will be unable to finish efficiently at home. But more importantly, it’s given me a time to think about time, about friendships, about maturing, and about change. No conclusions yet, but the process, I think, is more important than whatever it is I’m supposed to reach a conclusion about.

All I know is that, Cornell, I will miss the hell out of you in five months. But, until then, this is just another opportunity to make most of my time while here.