To give fair warning, this entry is pretty teen angsty and self-indulgent. But whatever.

It’s no secret that Ivy League schools are hard sometimes. You won’t find any of us blogging about how we aren’t being challenged academically and we won’t be sitting around complaining about a lack of things to do. But in a place like Cornell where it seems like everyone around you is always able to deliver, what do you do when you just can’t get a grip?

In a time where I am supposed to be figuring out who I am and what I want to be doing with my life, all I seem to be doing is testing myself to see how much pressure I can handle. Fall semester was a tough one– I had recently dismissed hotels, restaurants, marketing and finance as career possiblities, leaving me with what seemed like zero options and a very special anxiety over my lack of academic direction. This was only exacerbated by the countless celebration dinners and champagne toasts I attended as my older friends, one by one, signed their acceptances for bigtime investment banking jobs and management positions around the country. Ok, great. Piled on top of all that was a major heartbreak that left me shellshocked, exhausted, and unable to concentrate on much of anything. In a textbook Cosmo case of breakup bounceback, I predictably tried to counteract the whole mess by packing my schedule with literally a dozen new commitments. Did anyone else see a meltdown coming?

This semester, I was fiercely determined to “have it all.” At this point in my life, “having it all” means successfully striking a balance between good grades, solid friendships, an exciting and jam-packed social schedule, and (of course you knew I was going to go here) a fabulous relationship. Unfortunately, besides the fact that I have historically neglected at least one of these areas at all times, I also seem to have an inability to keep the other areas of my life together when one slips. A failure in one department can poison and sometimes even paralyze the others. I still believe it IS possible to “have it all,” but as my friends, grades, and old boyfriends will tell you, striking this balance has never been my strong point.

As I’ve come to find out, it’s still not. Here’s the thing, though. Sometimes you just get so busy here. It seems like everyone around you can handle it and that you’re the only one about to crack under the responsibility and pressure. You’re not. Even if you think you’re on top of things and in control, it creeps up on you when you’re busy with everything else. It starts as this nagging discomfort in the back of your mind when you’ve got your to-do list all crossed off but you still feel like you’re forgetting something. It steals chunks of your precious 4-6 hours of sleep as you lie in bed and mentally take inventory of all the things you have to do the next day. What begins as the small pile of dirty laundry at the bottom of your closet morphs overnight into a mess that hides the entire floor of your bedroom. Finally, “I don’t have time to deal with this right now” becomes “I can’t deal with this at all” and whether you’re facing a broken heart, a fight with your best friend, issues finding a job or the utter lack of desire to get out of bed, your day planner remains full and you’re still acutely aware that a couple days of neglect can kick your sixteen credits from A minus grades straight down into D territory… and then it’s goodbye graduate school and who knows what else and you’re left wondering how it was possible that you let things get so out of control.

So what the hell do you do?

To be honest, I’m not too sure right now. It’s not like I, or anyone else here, can afford to surrender to a breakdown or even give it little more than a few tears and a couple drinks no matter how tempting a weeks vacation (or a 3-day retreat to your pink bed) may be.

My reason for writing this entry is that I’m currently experiencing one of these little meltdowns and have so far dealt with it with all the poise and maturity of a toddler. Talking to my friends about it tonight, though, I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this here. I do know that this is not a place where it is possible to throw in the towel and stay snuggled in bed for a couple of days to try to forget about your failures– you’ve got to sack up, dig your heels in and keep showing up to class, honoring your commitments and smiling at your friends. I think…
So I’m going to try that and I’ll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck.

Remember the event I was talking about a couple of months ago, tentatively themed the “Cornell Campaign for Real Beauty”? Well, over the last several weeks, hundreds of photographers from around the Cornell community have submitted images capturing their individual ideas of beauty. I’m pleased to announce that the unveiling of our exhibit, “Beauty Actually Is All Around Us…” (like the Love Actually quote– get it?) will be tomorrow evening. The opening features a performance by the ladies of After Eight a capella and a discussion focused on body image and self-esteem among young women today.

Tuesday, April 24th
Beck Center Atrium, Statler Hall
7:00 pm
*light refreshments will be served.

This event is free and open to the public– please come show your support!

In the Sun today, a fairly serious piece was written about a video made by a Texas guy who applied to the class of 2008 and was rejected. Now, this is basically the greatest video ever, but before I get to that I’m a little weirded out by a couple things. I noticed a few discrepancies in the stuff this dude said, most notably the quote about Facebook:

Although he never visited the Cornell campus, he stated he “became attached to it” after perusing the Cornell website, attending an information session in Houston and meeting with a Cornell alumnus. “I even befriended random Cornell students on Facebook so I could look at their photo albums of Cornell,” admitted Saqib.

Ok. Not to be a bummer here, but I very clearly recall Facebook around the time I had been admitted into the Class of ‘08. Most people had never heard of it, the thing was just getting off the ground, and the photo album features weren’t even close to being invented yet. Moreover, Facebook, back at that time, was still in its heyday– it was really only Ivy League schools and a select few others (Stanford, Rice, etc.) Most notably: how would our friend have gotten a Facebook account? The day Facebook opened up to high school students was a tragedy…. A RECENT tragedy.

Plus: did you really fall in love with the website? I mean really? Cornell.edu was redesigned over the last couple of years and if anyone remembers the old website, well, it was a little fug. Ok, a lot fug, as in the famed Bjork Oscar dress that was shaped like a swan kind of fug. Wait, stop, I’m having a moment: isn’t this so Elle Woods a la the Legally Blonde case where she figures out the witness is lying in court because everyone knows you can’t get a brand new perm wet? I should probably go to law school after all.

Anyway, so here’s the video.
Even though this kid seems to lie for absolutely no reason, his video is pretty fabulous. I mean, it’s ballsy and cool in a way that reminds me of the time I was 13 and had the urge to get my girlfriends together and burn letters from an ex-crush on his porch but decided to TP his house instead because there was less chance of catastrophic destruction that way. I mean, this kid could have burned the admissions office down, but he chose the more-sensible-yet-still-hardcore route (sending the video to all 7 admissions offices? YES) and I totally dig that. Plus, he’s from Texas and I really think that Usher song “Burn” is awesome. Oh, and the final sparkle of greatness comes at the very end of this video where he re-enacts one of the most uncomfortable scenes in movie history; the scene from Cast Away where fattie Tom Hanks goes nutso and dances around a fire. See?

All in all, it’s a huge shame this guy didn’t get into Cornell. If destiny had a heart, we would have lived on the same floor freshman year and would’ve become best friends.
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Edit: So, I friended him on Facebook and it turns out he’s a freshman (not a junior) and therefore he is not a liar… but THE DAILY SUN IS as they mistakenly reported that he applied to the Class of 2008. Their bad.

As most of you know, Life on the Hill was a pilot program this year and the six of us were guinea piggies. We could have been smushed and discontinued for the 07-08 school year for many reasons, including but not limited to my incessant whining about everything, Ben’s constant references to drinking, and Alex being that guy who cussed at a hockey game and had his tickets taken away. But alas, this motley crew of writers has prevailed and the project has been picked up for a second year. A couple of us have elected to stay on board and blog through the next two semesters, and unfortunately for all of you, Oh No She Didn’t will be around for another year. My Sun column will be continuing through next year as well and I promise to continue embarrassing myself on a frequent-enough basis that I am not going to be strapped for material. Big things are coming up senior year and I hope my readers, those other than the two people that birthed me, will stick with me.

Coming up next: TI comes for Slope Day (I only know him as the dude who sings the “if you got a man, try to lose him if you can” part in Justin Timberlake’s “My Love” and therefore he is NOTHING to me without Justin. Nothing.) At the end of may, I’ll move to New York City to embark on a lovely summer in a magnificent Union Square apartment. I’ll be working two jobs (interning at Great Performances and HotelChatter.com) and traipsing around the city being fabulous.

I’m looking forward to this BIGTIME. Ithaca is seriously cramping my style right now and the Hotel School is currently reminding me of 24’s CTU Headquarters right before Los Angeles got nuked that one time, with everyone all creepily stressed out and acting like the world is about to end. 100-something of the hospitality industry’s CEO’s and bigwigs will be descending upon the Hotel School for Hotel Ezra Cornell this weekend. A lot of my peers (on the HEC board) have been planning for it all year and as the opening events begin Thursday night, these kids are in dire need of some scented candles and a bubble bath. I’ll talk about it a bit more in a few days; I have a feeling I’m going to be guilted into being a cocktail waitress or line cook for some of these events my friends are running. Oh yes that’s right, hospitality industry: get ready to have your gin and tonics spilled all over you.

Last night, I snuggled up in bed circa 3 am after a successful Friday night at the bars with my usual hotelie crew. Since I had nothing on the agenda until my 1:00 tour today, I planned to sleep until at least 11.

But no. Instead, I write to you from a couch in my living room. I have been taking refuge here since 9 am. You see, there seems to be a small animal of sorts in my room at this time. It may be a bird, it may be a rodent that makes high-pitched chirpy noises, but in any case, it’s alive and it’s in my room and it’s not me. I have not caught a glimpse of the creature yet, but considering the noises and the various openings he may have entered through, I have been able to gather that he’s definitely dancing around among my polo shirts and cases of diet coke. I’m not sure what to do since the only female housemate equipped to handle this situation has gone home to her farm upstate (literally) for Easter and you really never know the whereabouts of my male housemate. That one time we found a mouse running around in the washing machine, we were lucky enough to have enough male houseguests that weekend to effectively dispatch a team to the scene. This time not so much.

Oy.